I Lost You
by heartlessromantic667
Summary: COMPLETED! After reminiscing on one of the worst days of his life, Steven Hyde makes a critical decision that ends up changing his life as he knew it. He crosses a journey of betrayal, anger, love, and most of all, confusion.
1. Remembering

**_Author's Note: I hope you like this story, it was really fun to write, and I actually believe there was an episode in which Hyde said he did have feelings for Donna. I always thought they would be a good couple, and this is what I think could of happened, or how he could have felt. _**

_**There IS some language, but it's rated T. And I am thinking about doing a few more chapters. If I get 5+ reviews telling me I should put up more chapters, then I will. **_

* * *

They say I don't understand love. They say I'm going to end up like some brain dead hobo, standing out by markets, begging for money. They say I'm heartless, and I don't care about anything or anyone but myself. However, they never say this to me. No, of course not. It's when I'm not around, it's when I'm not a bother. They don't want me to know they feel this way, because of my feelings. But I thought they said I didn't care about anything, and to me that includes that I feel no emotion. That's a load of bull shit.

My friends, they don't understand. They don't' know how lucky they are. They don't see how good life is for them. All of them have potential, all of them will be somebody. I won't amount to anything, I'll be half crazy from drugs, and living on the streets, always beyond wasted. Maybe if I had their support, or any support at all, I could be someone. I used to get that undying attention and positive voice. That's when I truly felt alive and happy, I used to have a goal, a reason and a purpose. That's when she was around.

Things had felt right then, I knew who I was, I wanted to be noticed, make a change, take a stand. Rebel without fear, rebel for a cause, and have people support me. I was going to be a journalist. I had the skills and the potential, and Donna led me through it. If I didn't have her then, I would be dead, by my own hand somehow.

But here I was now, sitting in the basement of the Foreman's, my room, alone; as always, and staring at the ¾ empty Jack bottle I drained, other two laying on my lap. I laughed softly at my pitiful state, and drowned out all the memories that haunted this day four years ago. I couldn't remember, wouldn't remember, didn't want to, but even through my fighting and drinking, the memory clawed at my brain.

I remember that day, so well, the thing I remember the most. It's so vivid in my mind still, I think of it every night; fresh salt to the wounds...

* * *

_We were both fifteen. Donna and I had been talking for hours the night before. Her parents didn't really trust me, so she had to be careful. I understand why, but they didn't know me for who I really was. But I was going to show them the real me. I was going to break the wall of stone that guarded my heart; that I had cast there in the past._

_It was a Friday night. I had told her I wanted to tell her something important the next day. Donna sounded happy, and quickly agreed to have me go over at 4:00, before her parents got home. I was so excited._

_I was planning on telling her just how much I cared for her, and that I wanted to date her. I had a feeling she felt the same way, she acted so differently around me, than any other boy. It just had to be._

_So I had woken up early-12:30 in the afternoon, and took extra time to get ready. I wanted to look nicer, which would be pretty hard, considering I didn't really have that many 'nice' clothes. Instead of my normal ripped jeans, and a Rolling Stones shirt, I wore a pair of dark brown jeans, a short-sleeved black Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and a white long sleeved button down shirt. I took extra time on my very curly, very poofy hair, shaved quickly, and put on a little cologne._

_After checking myself to make sure I looked decent, I sat on my bed. I had to think about what I was going to say, how I would say it. I rehearsed over and over again until it was just right, that and my throat was dry. I wanted to impress her, and I know words were one great way._

_Running down the creaky wooden stairs, I past the small, dingy living room and contemplated on writing a note for my currently absent mother, who had been gone for 3 days._

_"Fuck it," I mumbled. She left me, it's not like she's going to care that I'm going out. So I sighed, walking out the door, making sure to lock it; just in case._

_As soon as I stepped outside, I ran faster than ever. For some reason I had decided to go by foot rather than drive, but I had to hurry. Maybe it was to have time to think, as my nerves were running wild, and my stomach decided to become a contortionist- somersaulting over and over again. It was so hard for me to fight the temptation to smoke, but I just couldn't. I was going to date Donna Pinciotti; my rebellious life was over. I wanted only the best for her, so I had to quit all things illegal that I took part in._

_As I arrived at her house, I tried to give myself a pep talk. I was shaking with nervousness, and it was all I could do to not just run home. But I knew what I had to do…._

_So I headed to the backyard fence, because whenever I went over, I couldn't use the front door. I was ten minutes early, but I knew Donna wouldn't mind._

_I opened the fence door, and stood in my spot, feeling sick. My heart dropped, as well as my jaw, and I felt like I was going to faint and puke. Right before my eyes was heart break; Donna and Eric, one of my best friends, kissing._

_I couldn't bear it. How could he?! How could she?! I thought of all the times we had spoken about us, Donna had reassured me how special and important to her I was. Then, if I was so important, why did she do this to me? Why was she breaking my heart?_

_I couldn't move, my feet were paralyzed to where I stood, staring at the two. Never had I seen them happier. All I wanted was to scream at her, and ask her how she could be so goddamn cruel. I wanted to hurt Eric, break him into tiny pieces, make him hurt physically as I did emotionally. Then, I realized there was non point in doing any of that. They wouldn't understand, even through me abusing them. I would be worse than them, and I didn't want that._

_I wiped away the tears that welled in my eyes, before they fell. I wouldn't be caught dead crying. On this day, I knew I wouldn't ever try to love again. It wasn't worth the pain. I looked at the two one final time, before I turned away, on everything and everyone. And if anyone asked about my cold-heartedness, I would just laugh. No one would ever know of this._

_I never thought Donna would be like the rest of the world. Everyone I attempted to care about ended up hurting me or abandoning me in one way or another. So why bother caring at all?_

_I realized I couldn't tell Donna my feelings, ever. I just wish I had the balls to tell her sooner. Fuck Eric. Fuck her parents and what they thought of me. Fuck her, fuck everyone!_

_I began to quiver with anger; fists clenched tight, fingernails cutting my flesh as I began to take erratic and heavy breaths. I was losing it. I screamed as loud as I possibly could, before collapsing on the pavement, sobbing uncontrollably._

_I was holding so much in. Donna, the pain she caused me was enough to slip off of the edge, to lose it all. Here I was, Steven Hyde, the thought, 'heartless' guy, now crying like a baby in public. I couldn't stand this; my heart felt like it was ripping into millions of pieces over and over again, not just cracking. Not just fading away, bleeding, and pouring out blood that sliced me everywhere, like razorblades._

_Fuck trying to change for everyone, to be a better person. I don't care what people think of me anymore. Why bother to listen to them if they just end up killing you. Anyone I ever cared about with my whole heart ended up hurting me and leaving me. Well, I would never let it happen again. I wouldn't let it._

_I finally reached my small house as the sun was hidden well below the horizon. My mom wouldn't be home tonight, and if she was she'd bring home some random drunk guy to have fun with. It made me sick._

_I dragged my lifeless body to the living room, and stretched out on the broken and dirty tan couch. Turning on the TV, I flipped through the channels subconsciously, not paying attention or caring if I missed anything interesting. I just did it to occupy time, not for pure enjoyment. My eyes were on another film, seen passed the television. The fresh memory played repeatedly in my head. Each time I saw the kiss, or how happy she looked, more beatings, more salt to the open wounds._

_The phone began to ring, which brought me half out of this pitiful state I had dug myself into. Slamming my hand down on the brown plastic end table that was supposed to look like wood, I grabbed the phone in my callused hand, and pressed it to my ear._

_"Yeah?" I mumbled flatly, knowing that whoever was on the other line would probably be worried._

_"Hyde!" Donna. I felt like I was going to vomit blood. "I thought you were coming over?" I couldn't stand it, I wasn't a good faker. Her happiness was killing me, more painful than any bullet._

_"Uh, sorry, not feeling good." I answered slowly, with no emotion. "So I'll-"_

_"You will never guess what just happened! Oh I wish you were here, then I could tell you in person!" She squealed happily; Donna was never like this. My heart dropped past the floor, into hell, and I gulped._

_"W-what…?" I stammered, but already knew. Why poke at the festering gash? Why did I ask her just to be faced with this once again? "Eric and I are going out!"_

_Tears slipped down my cheeks as I realized I lost her, that it was real. I heard it from her voice; I knew that I wasn't dreaming. God, this hurt too much._

_"Oh… that's great… I'm happy…" I trailed off again, Donna sighed softly._

_"You don't sound it, is everything okay?" She asked me, I shivered as I felt suddenly cold. She didn't really care._

_"Yes," No, everything was not okay, I was dying inside. Because of her! "But I'm going to go, congrats, kid." And with that, I hung up the phone._

_I trembled, paralyzed with pain at the spot. I let the misery consume me, and I didn't care. I just didn't care._

_That night, I just lied on the couch, drinking beer after beer, crying, laughing, cursing, and crying once again. No one wondered if I was okay. Not even Donna; who normally would call back at my sudden hang up. But as I drained the last can of beer, I closed my eyes, and realized I was exactly what everyone else thought of me. I am nothing, and I will always be nothing._

* * *

I heard the door to the basement open, and feet clambering down, and giggling from a young woman, and a chuckle from a young man. My stomach lurched, yet I wouldn't throw up. The pain consumed me once again, I felt just as miserable as I did then, now.

Quickly, I tried to hide all of the alcohol. I didn't want them to see me like that. I didn't understand why they came down here at all. Maybe Kelso, Fez, and Jackie were coming over also… who knows? I couldn't let anyone see my true feelings, or how I took care of them.

"Hyde?" Donna asked, I spun around so fast, doing a great job at not looking suspicious. I had already been too late; I know she had seen the bottle. Not sure if Eric had… but she'd tell him.

"Hmm?" I asked, smiling softly at the two. "What are you two lovebirds doin' down here? Shouldn't you be on your own, doin' your own thing?" I asked, talking quietly. Donna shrugged her shoulders, and sat by me, Eric next to her. God, it was all I could do to not kiss her. I wonder if Eric ever told her that she was beautiful.

"Were you drinking?" She asked me, I glanced at Eric and he rolled his eyes.

"Uh yeah I just had a couple, no worries." I replied, gazing at my hands in my lap, not wanting to meet her gaze. "Listen, I'll let you two just hang out down here, I'll go out on my own and find something to do…" I stood up and began to walk away.

"Hyde," I heard Donna say, sounding like she was pleading. I turned slowly, and shook my head to think clearly. Damn alcohol. "Why don't you stay? Kelso will be over in a little bit."

"Yeah, c'mon man just hang out, seriously it's fine. I mean, we came into your room…" I chuckled and Eric patted the couch they were sitting on. I sighed softly, and sat next to Donna, with enough distance. She looked at me with a worried gaze and I just shrugged.

Hopefully Kelso would get here soon, or hopefully I could find a good reason to leave. I didn't want to be with people. Today was Eric and Donna's 4th year anniversary, which also marked the day she broke my heart. But I didn't want to leave her side, as weird as this all was. I felt close, so close. But I had to let go, I just had to… there was no point.

"Uh I think I'm gonna go and get some smokes, I'll be back in a-"

"I have some upstairs," Donny interjected, smiling at me. "Do you wanna use mine?" I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

"I'll go get them," Both Eric and I stood up; I knew that him leaving was a bad idea. But as I stood up quickly, blood rushed through my head, and I grew dizzy, so I had to sit down.

After he barreled up the stairs, Donna turned to me, her hair as fiery as ever. I just wanted to run my hands through it, hold her close to me. Tell her how much I loved her.

"Hyde, what's wrong? There is something bothering you. Please… I can tell, please tell me?" I shook my head.

"Donna, I'm fine, I'm always fine. C'mon you and Eric should be out celebrating, not stuck in my ro- the basement." I had to fix what I said. I couldn't think about Donna, the girl who I loved, being in my room, alone with me. No way.

"I don't believe you, tell me." She growled, glaring at me, with an evil smile on her face. I knew what she was planning. Whenever she wanted me to spill something, she gets this evil face, and then she tickled me. I sighed and scooted away, but she followed.

"I… it's really nothing, I'm just remembering something from a couple years ago." I mumbled, looking at her for the first time. She smiled sympathetically, and put her arm around me, I sighed, smelling a hint of perfume.

"Please tell me, Hyde?" She asked softly, concerned. I tore myself away from her, I couldn't look at her. I was so tempted to kiss her. Where was Eric?!

I don't know what happened. Whether it was my instincts, my emotions running mad, or the alcohol (I blame mostly that), but I couldn't take it. I looked into her eyes, and before she said anything, I kissed her softly, and ran my hand through her thick, red hair. Oh I loved this, this felt so perfect. And the funny thing was she didn't pull away.

My mind made itself up, my conscience was fighting with my heart and I pulled away quickly, wiping my mouth and shaking my head. I was so ashamed, but also so proud of myself. Donna looked a little confused and hurt, and I stood up.

"I… I'm sorry Donna… I… need to go." I ran up the stairs, as Eric started down them, he watched me with his head tilted as I ran. Out the door, down the street, where I headed south until I couldn't run any longer.

My body shook with a heavy sob as I fell to the ground, like I did this same night for years ago, and screamed. How could I be so stupid? I should have left, I should have… I should have told her sooner.

But there was no going back. I had done something so traitorous, so horrible. Because I was selfish, because I was drunk, for God's sake. I couldn't face Eric; I couldn't face Donna, or anyone. I would feel so guilty. How could I do that to her? To him? I was just like them four years ago. I had put Donna in my place, even worse off though. I couldn't live with that.

I began to run, to the place I knew where I could go. My mind was made up. People were right. There was nothing good about me. I was heartless, I was cruel, deceitful, and I didn't deserve what the Foreman's gave me. I didn't deserve the kindness all of my friends gave me. Not when I went and did this. I was nothing, I was less than nothing. Finally I saw it. Finally I more than accepted that this was my fate. That I would always be nothing.

With shaky hands, I began to climb the water tower. I just wanted to go up there and plot what I was going to do, think about my plans for the future. I knew I was moving out of Point Place tonight, with nothing but a note. Too many memories, too much pain. I would just take my car, I'd probably move out of state, I don't know.

My mind was going crazy, and I was pushing myself to get to the top of the water tower faster than ever. Fez, Kelso, Eric and I had races, and we marked the fastest times under our names each time with black paint we kept up there. I wanted to mark under my name one more time. One last tradition, I guess.

Finally, I did reach the top, and at about 4 minutes, faster than Kelso, who held the record for 5:01 (Fez timed it at the bottom, too afraid to climb up once after almost falling). Then I just sat up there, for who knows how long. With my thoughts and I alone, to figure out the sudden arrangements I needed to make to put my past behind me and move on completely. I had to do this, I just had to.

I would leave at around two in the morning, when I was sure no one would be awake, to Madison and stay there for a night or two. Then I would go to Illinois, and see what I can do there. No longer would I be "Hyde" there, no one would know me. I would be Steve, and I would go to school for journalism, and if I got published anywhere, I'd change my name, somehow. I would at first live maybe in the dorms at some college, or get a cheap apartment. I'd need a job first though, before all of this. Where would I live? Right, my car.

Was this a good idea? Should I do this or not? I couldn't back out, this was my fate- be nothing. So I'm starting new, I am nothing, and I will become somebody. I will leave my past behind and never look back, I will forget about Donna and Eric and Kelso, the Foremans, the Pinciottis, all the people who put me down. I would forget about my job with Leo, and this life I've made. No backing out, everything on the line, I was leaving.

I stood up, but before I ventured back to the bottom of the water tower, I wanted to do one thing. Why? I don't know, I just felt that I needed to. I grabbed the paint brush, and dipped it in the black paint, and took cautious strokes to write _I 3 You DP, SH_. With one final look at what I had done, I stepped onto the ledge of the tower, planning to hang out with my friends one last time, they deserved that. I'd stay far away from Donna, and stay quiet, yet I would be there, nonetheless.

Until my foot slipped. Until my hands missed grabbing the top bar, and began to fall to the ground. I was unsure of how this would end; I didn't have much time to think, either. I didn't scream though, I just stared at the ground, and realized the bush was on the other side; I was going to hit the hard, cold grass and dirt. I whimpered, closing my eyes and before I knew it, I felt the collision, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see.

I didn't mean for this to happen. God, they're going to think I committed suicide, hopefully not. My mind was fading in and out, I couldn't concentrate. I wanted to hold on, but I heard a voice, calling.

"Hyde," Soft, sweet, Donna. I gasped, curious. "Just relax, sleep, love. It will all be okay." And I did. I could feel her lips press against mine once again, and I let go. I felt like somebody, once again. Because of Donna.


	2. Constant

_**Author's Note: Though I haven't reached 5 reviews, I decided to post a 2nd chapter. There will be a couple more, but I would really like it if people reviewed- because I want to know how the story is going and if people like it. I hope that you do like this story, but it's... different, I know. Also, there is some cursing, but probably nothing any of you haven't heard, just thought I'd let you know...**_

**_Love- ARH_**

* * *

"-Please… Hyde, wake up. Please? I need you."

Pain radiated throughout my body as I stirred. Confusion ran through me, as well as disappointment. Hadn't I just died? Why was I still here, wherever I was? Had I wanted to die? And where the hell am I?

"H-Hyde?"

Donna's voice sounded so angelic, calling me; to wake up instead of to die. That must have been my imagination earlier, when I guess I thought I was dying. I wasn't sure about anything else, except that Donna was in the room with me, and it didn't sound like anyone else was in there.

But I couldn't do anything to her, not again. That's what almost killed me in the first place. The most important thing was that she still cared about whether I was okay or not. So I had to announce my consciousness, for her sake.

"Fuck," I mumbled, voice hoarse; cotton mouth. I heard Donna gasp and as I opened my eyes, I saw her sitting on my bed cross-legged. Her beautiful red hair fell passed her shoulders, and her eyes staring at me in shock and happiness. Was she really looking at me?

"Hyde!" She squealed happily, then stood up from my hospital bed. I was not expecting what she did next.

"OW!" I shouted, after receiving a very violent punch to my bicep. Donna could through mean punches, and she seemed beyond furious with me. I winced and lied back on the bed, cringing away from her.

"You dumbass! Why did you do it?!" She hissed, raising her hand again.

I did deserve the hitting and the punches; that I understood. But I hadn't tried to kill myself. Did they realize that or not? I suppose how I had acted earlier may have given everyone the impression that I could have been suicidal. But, I was drunk. And I kissed my best friend's girlfriend, who I loved.

Also, I couldn't help remembering my childhood. I hadn't been hit since I was 13, but still the abuse was fresh on my mind at this moment, hence the cringing. It was stupid, and juvenile how afraid I was, but at the same time, if she knew, she would instantly apologize and plead for forgiveness; what I didn't deserve.

"Didn't mean to fall," I tried to reassure, looking up at her. All I met was a piercing glare and I bit my lip. "Honest, Donna. Do you think I would want to kill myself?"

"You were acting so distant, Hyde, what else could I think? And you were drunk! Maybe you don't want to, but you could have acted on impulse!" My mind was fuzzy, could it be the morphine? Was she talking about me falling, or the kiss? It could go either way. "Why did you go up there in the first place?"

I was not about to tell her about what I spray painted on the water tower. Donna would have to find that out for herself. I had to figure out something fast, a lie, or a white lie.

"Do you think I remember? I guess I wasn't in my right frame of mind, but I don't know why I'd wanna kill myself." Donna sighed at my reply. "But I promise you I didn't mean to, and… I'm sorry for making it seem that way." She smiled softly at me as she embraced me in a hug. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of her shampoo. Donna being in my arms, it felt so right; it felt absolutely perfect. But it wouldn't be, it couldn't be. She and Eric loved each other, and I would do nothing to compromise that.

"Donna," I mumbled, she pulled back, looking me in the eye, curious. "Can we talk?"

Had I seriously just said that? That had to have been the medications they were giving me, I had just convinced myself to put it in the past! Now I'm about to tell my whole sob story to Donna about my unrequited love for her that I've felt for who knows how long. God dammit. 'Smooth, Hyde, smooth…' my conscience snapped at me.

"Now isn't the right time… let me get the Forman's, Eric and Kitty are worried sick." Donna had quickly left the room, door shutting softly, to venture into the waiting room. Thank God she had left, I couldn't put her, or myself through that kind of torture. She didn't deserve it, and Eric was so much better for her. What could I give her? A trailer park and 4 kids, that's what.

While waiting for Donna to arrive with Eric and his parents, I tried to get my act together. Morphine, alcohol, emotional overdrive, and trying to act completely sober and somewhat happy would be so freakin difficult. Sure, being loopy and my normal sarcastic self would be fine, but did they know I had been drunk? And they all thought it was a suicide attempt, dammit I'm not depressed! Well, I don't want to die, I just… want to disappear. Not die. That's completely different. Isn't it?

"Oh Steven!" My stomach churned with nerves when hearing Mrs. Forman's voice. Right away, I knew the cause of my current state and all curiosities or suspicions of why it happened were quickly eradicated from her mind. As soon as she saw me lying in the hospital bed, her motherly instincts kicked into overdrive as she hustled over to me. I saw fresh tears in her eyes, though there were other visible signs she had been crying a lot prior to seeing me.

It amazed me how caring she was to me. I was just her son's friend for God's sake. So why did she treat me like a son? Or did she pity me? Maybe she acted like this because of who I was, and how I was raised. Maybe her treatment was normal, and my mom really was a psychotic bitch. Yep, I definitely believed that. Maybe I was something to the Forman's, instead of less than nothing, or even better; a waste of space.

"Steven, how are you doing? Are you feeling okay? Are you in any pain? Hungry or thirsty?" Mrs. Forman asked me, voice full of concern. My eyes averted to her general direction, and I tried to avoid Red's mega death glare as he left the room quickly.

"Uh, yeah I'm fine, a little thirsty but-" I was cut off by her suddenly thrusting a glass of water at me. I smiled at her, mumbled a quick thank you, and took a sip. My throat screamed its approval and gratitude for the little amount of water, and I smiled softly. "Um, do you know where my glasses are?" I regretted asking her that as soon as her smile fell.

"Hyde, man," this was the first time Eric spoke, he looked so scared. "I'm sorry, but…"

"But what?" I inquired, after he trailed off. Eric wouldn't look me in the eye, was there a reason other than me and my current situation, and knowing the truth about my glasses that I cherished? Or did he find out about Donna and I?

"Your glasses… they broke when you fell." My eyes lit up with rage, hotter and brighter than wild fire. Did my ears suddenly play a dirty trick on me, or did Forman say that _my goddamn glasses were broken?! _Dammit!

But, before I could punch Eric, before I could yell or curse. Before Mrs. Forman could attempt to calm me down, the door slammed open.

"What the hell were you thinking? You dumbass!" Oh. God.

Red was the last thing I wanted to deal with. Usually, I wouldn't mind Red, but his attitude was just too much for me right now. "Why would you try to kill yourself? Weren't you raised to be better than that?!"

Shock hit me like a bullet to the chest, and as my angry eyes glared at Red, I know he was shocked himself. I needed to calm down, I was about to tear into someone who didn't deserve my wrath. Had I been raised better, he asked? Of course I had; if you considered being raised off of stale saltine crackers, abuse round the clock, and a mother that was a whore being raised right!

"Red!" Mrs. Forman gasped, utterly horrified. Both she and Eric looked absolutely infuriated.

"I didn't attempt suicide, and no, I wasn't raised better." I growled quietly, my whole body tense and shaking. Mrs. Forman sighed and patted my shoulder.

"Oh, sweetie, just ignore Red, he meant nothing by it! We know you didn't mean to get hurt, so don't worry about that, either! And I'll get you a new pair of glasses tonight, okay honey?"

I forced my lips to a plastered smile and nodded, trying to fight the rage beating angrily in my chest. Too many emotions were running through me. Worry that Eric knew about what I did to Donna, and how Donna felt about it, me. Anger at Red for making that comment about being raised better. Feeling nervous because of how greatly Kitty was treating me. And sadness for losing my favorite and only pair of glasses, I've had them through everything. I couldn't hide my eyes anymore for tonight, and that was definitely not a good thing.

Red and Kitty spoke to me, well, Red just stared at me as his wife did the talking. They didn't question me, for that I was so grateful. Kitty was nervous, or just overly excited as she babbled ceaselessly to me. It was nice to not have to answer any questions or to talk. Eric just smiled at me and rolled his eyes at some of the things his mom said.

Usually the attention and the peppiness would drive me insane. However, on this day, it was different. That could have been from the drugs though; I honestly don't know. But the feeling I sensed was so incredible. Was this what it felt like to be in a family that actually cared and, do I dare say it; love each other? Was Kitty not acting completely bizarre and crazy, but the way all mothers should? I felt loved. I felt loved and wanted by another human; I felt like a son, and that I belonged.

My heart suddenly pounded with envy. Eric had an awesome mom. Why had I been blessed with the crackwhore alcoholic bitch who was so undeserving of the gold title- 'Mother'? Why didn't I have anyone care about me like that? But, I beat my anger down as she spoiled me, or it felt like being spoiled. Considering when I was younger, that my dinners consisted of moldy or stale bread and warm water, yeah, this was pampering.

As Kitty continued to fuss and talk about how worried they were, and how glad they were that I was okay, I had begun to ponder on a certain situation. What would Eric do if he grew up in my home? Or… Jackie; that almost made me burst out laughing. But really, would they be just like me? Or am I just fucked up?

"Well, Red and I are going to go for awhile, to let you boys talk. We will bring you dinner, okay Steven?" Kitty announced to us. I smiled and nodded, then tensed as she hugged me tightly.

Right then, I felt like I was going to be sick. Did Eric know about what I had done? He could seriously do some damage, I mean, I was hopped up on morphine, what could I do to protect myself? But, Eric wasn't like that, though he tries to be. He's not like me; he wouldn't hurt anyone when they're already down. Another reason why he and Donna were perfect.

"Uh, okay. Thanks for uh… seeing me, Mr. and Mrs. Forman. Um… it meant a lot," I mumbled. Her eyes welled with tears, but before she could hug me, Red took her hand and motioned for the door. Kitty sighed and smiled at Eric and I as they walked out the door.

After the door shut, Eric switched from happy son, to pissed off friend. Slugging me in the arm (same spot where Donna punched me earlier), I winced and my stomach flipped as Eric growled, "what the hell were you thinking?!"


	3. Exposed

**_Author's Note: I hope this is all right for everyone, a lot of it was written whilst half asleep. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my sense of 'Hyde' but, I'm also working on a new story for That 70's Show, just about Hyde. Look out for that one, once this one is over. Which it will be probably within 2 or 3 chapters. More likely 2._**

**_Love- ARH_**

**_

* * *

  
_**

'_Shit,'_ I thought, as I glared up at Forman, Donna told him; I'm done for. But, on the outside, I was as calm as ever.

"Uh, about what?" I asked, pulling off my 'I don't give a fuck' appearance. It was harder without my glasses though, my always told the truth; how I really felt.

"Why'd you do it? We all thought you were going to die, man!" I wasn't sure whether to scream for joy, or shout out and hit him in annoyance. Eric was talking about my fall, that's it. He didn't know what I did to Donna; thank God. But damn, I was sick of everyone thinking I did it _intentionally_, I wasn't suicidal, I didn't hate life.

"It was an accident, Forman. Didn't mean to freak everyone out," Eric's eyes narrowed as he stared at me, and sighed softly while sitting on the chair by the bed.

"But why did you go up there in the first place?"

I froze. How would I answer this? Tell him the truth? Of course not!

"I dunno man, you saw how I was. I have no clue what I was thinking," I was too loopy and tired to wonder if he took me seriously or not.

"You sure? You seemed really… weird when you left,"

"That's what my good ol' pal Jack D does for you, Forman. Like I said, not my fault." He shook his head and chuckled softly. Yeah, actually it was all my fault. What happened last night was the ultimate reason why I never, never allow myself to feel too much. "How long do you think I'll be stuck here?" I asked him. He shrugged his shoulders and thought awhile.

"Maybe a couple more days, or tomorrow even. You aren't in that bad of shape." I grimaced, staring grudgingly at the IV plugged into my arm, and had to control myself to not attack the machines beeping obnoxiously. If I wasn't 'that bad', then why did I have those?

"Oh yeah, I brought some clothes for you. I figured you didn't want to wear a hospital gown,"  
"Ah, thanks man, I don't wanna wear something that shows my ass," I joked, hugging my treasured Led Zeppelin shirt and a pair of sweat pants that Eric handed over to me. I was confused; sweat pants?

"Can't wear jeans, I don't know why." I sneered, and shrugged my shoulders again; I had to admit, sweat pants were better than a dress that showed my ass.

I had gotten up to walk to the bathroom, when I stumbled and fell back on the bed. My whole body ached, pleaded for me to just rest, and my head spun wildly. But I was defiant, and extremely stubborn; I was not settling for a goddamn ass-less dress! So, ignoring Eric's concerned face, I gradually limped to bathroom, pausing every few moments to clear my head.

Closing the door and turning on the bathroom light, I glanced into the mirror. Was that really me? Usually I wasn't so concerned with my appearance, but… damn. Bruises scattered all over my body, head to toe. A deep cut contrasted against my pale skin; a bright red, almost straight line from my cheek bone to my jaw line. Other, light scratches covered the rest of me, and a very pretty gash on my forearm topped it off. I looked like I was hit by a car. Or when I was a kid; either one works.

I ignored the sudden memories that filled my mind as I discarded the hospital gown I had been forced to wear. The last thing I needed to think about was the past; it was all over, c'mon! There were so many more important things; I was in the hospital, I kissed my best friend's girlfriend, and my glasses were broken. How could I hide myself, and what I was feeling?

The knot of emotion was building in my throat as I hurried to dress into the clothes Eric had brought me, which I was so grateful for. I could not cry, I wouldn't cry; no one would or could see me at a weak point; I was strong, I was Hyde. Having emotions wasn't expected. So, I took a heavy breath and wiped the tears from my eyes. Where has all of my composure gone? Where has my apathy gone? Right now, more than ever, I felt like I was as a child, and that's the last thing I needed.

I opened the door with a shaky hand, and about fainted when my eyes came in contact of the next surprise.

Eric, Kelso, Fez, Jackie, and Donna, all in the room, looking very angry as they glared at none other than me. _'Oh shit,'_ I thought, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my sweatpants. This was not going to be easy.

"Hey, am I allowed to have this many people in my room?" Not a good question to ask.

"Do you think any of us give a rat's ass about your visitor population amount? No, we don't, so sit down and shut up," The shock of Fez's words ran through me; he had never been seriously assertive. And to me? I hobbled over to the bed, avoiding the gazes of everyone, my tail between my legs.

The nerves and anxiety gnawed at my stomach as I sat so close to Donna. How could she even face me? I wanted everyone else but her to disappear. I noticed that though she looked so plain and simple, she was so beautiful. If only I could be the one to tell her that. _'God dammit, Hyde, you can't think like that, you dumb fuck!' _I thought angrily as I mentally hit myself; I deserved it.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Did you really try to kill yourself?"  
"I was gonna kill you if you died!"

I felt nauseous as all of my friends fired questions at me, all except Eric and Donna. Why did they have to keep asking me the same questions? Why couldn't they ask if I felt okay, or if I needed anything? I was actually tired, a little hungry, and I had a strong feeling the morphine was wearing off, unfortunately. But, all they were concerned about was my potential suicide? Couldn't it be forgotten?

"Guys!" Forman attempted at quieting Kelso, Jackie and Fez. But his voice was muted by their questions and harsh statements made against me. God, didn't they hear what they were saying?

"Hey, shut up! Can't you tell he doesn't wanna talk about it?!" Donna snapped in my defense. I looked into her eyes and smiled softly, she grinned back.

After awhile, I did end up answering some of the questions; or I was forced to, I should say. Eric and Donna silently sympathized with me, and urged the others to take it easy on the pointless questions. For what felt like the hundredth time, I reassured my friends that I wasn't suicidal, and I didn't do it on purpose. I also told them I had climbed the water tower to think somewhere, a place I knew I wouldn't be found. That part was true.

All of them had stayed for at least two hours. Though there was some awkward tension between us all, my friends did do a great job at cheering me up. It amazed me that I would have left them all behind last night, if I hadn't fallen.

I suppose that my final decision had been rather harsh. I could have dealt with it better, a lot better. But, I had been drunk, my proper judgment at a null. If my plan had gone perfect, I'd be long passed Madison right now. It made me extremely uneasy to think of how stupid I had acted. All I would have had to do was apologize to Donna later on, and lie through my teeth; tell her it was an act of my drunken stupor. And put it all in the past, what I hoped to do, anyway.

Red and Kitty arrived again at about 7:00. Of course, Kitty had food for us all- from The Hub. As soon as she passed out all of our grub, my friends shoveled the food down quickly, but not me. I didn't have much of an appetite, but I knew I'd eat for Kitty. So the food wouldn't go to waste, and she wouldn't worry about me anymore than I knew she already did. I'd probably end up puking later though.

The nurses let us all hang out until 8:30 p.m. Fez, Jackie, and Kelso all ended up leaving together, but guaranteed they'd visit tomorrow. The Formans and Donna talked with me for awhile longer, until I feigned exhaustion.

I more wanted to be alone rather than actually sleeping. But, I didn't want to hurt their feelings by kicking them out. As our conversations were still lively, I gradually grew less responsive and yawned increasingly. Finally, Kitty caught on.

"Steven, are you getting tired?" Mrs. Forman asked me gently, I gazed at her with unfocused eyes, something I was great at doing, and shrugged my shoulders.

"Not really," I murmured slowly, and she laughed loudly in response.

"Well, I beg to differ! Are we keeping you awake?" Sluggishly, I shook my head, faking the whole tired act. "It's getting late, anyway, so you can sleep, and we'll come by tomorrow! Okay, sweetie?" I smiled and nodded, then tensed as Kitty kissed my forehead. Forman was snickering as she fussed over me once more, and Donna slugged him. I mentally appreciated her for that.

"Well, I hope you can come home soon, son,"  
Though it was the usual way Red spoke, even though it was normal words that anyone would say, it squeezed my heart. Did the man, who was my adoptee father, who also 'lacked emotion' as I, just say this to me? Did he consider me a son? Never before have I heard those words directed towards me, in a positive manner, and at all. That's when I knew I _did_ belong here, and that I really was wanted, after all these years. And dammit, I didn't have my glasses!

I felt the sting against my eyes, and I blinked back the tears trying to escape. No, I would not show emotion, I would not cry. At least in front of the Formans.

"T-thanks," My voice wavered and cracked as I forced the words from my vocal chords.

Kitty hugged me tight for the final time before and Red made their way out of my hospital room. They were giving Donna, Eric, and I time to talk alone.

"I hope you can come home tomorrow," Eric finally spoke up, I shrugged my shoulders in response.

"Yeah, me too, man. This fuckin' sucks,"  
"Well, it's your fault," Donna responded, a small smile on her lips. I sighed heavily and nodded. This was all my fault; all of it. If I hadn't kissed her, I fi hadn't gotten drunk, I wouldn't be in this mess.

"Don't remind me," I grumbled, smirking as they chuckled. Couldn't think of them as a couple, wouldn't remind myself of the hurt. "Thanks for everything, you two, and I'm sorry." I murmured, barely above a whisper, and hoped they could hear me.

"It's fine, Hyde, we'll see you tomorrow." Eric answered, "but we really should go,"

"Yeah, all right," I started, nodding at them as they stood up, "see you tomorrow."

I closed my eyes and lied back against the pillows. I heard their soft goodbyes and the door close quietly. My eyes opened, as I stared at the spot Eric and Donna had been standing at just moments ago. A timid twinge of loneliness loomed over my heart, and I shook my head. What was happening to me?


	4. Overdrive

**_Author's Note: I haven't been feeling that good the past couple days, but I decided to post this anyway. There is a lot of dialouge, which is something that irks me, but... I think it's needed. I hope I didn't stray away from Hyde too much, but I feel like I'm losing 'that touch', I hope not. I hope that's also just another feeling I'm getting from my current state. _**

**_Also: I want to personally thank Syntyche for actually reviewing (both on a normal basis, and just reviewing in general) and for giving me the idea to continue this story anyway. I bet this surprised you, eh? :)_**

**_Love,_**

**_ARH_**

**_

* * *

_**

"Go away," I slurred in my sleep, turning onto my other side, and hugging one of the pillows on my bed tightly. I had been in a very deep, very blissful sleep, until the nurse burst into my room, definitely uninvited. "No more tests, I wanna sleep,"

"I'm not a nurse."

Immediately, my eyes shot open when I heard that voice. It had to be a dream, or possibly the meds. That could definitely be it.

"Donna? What… how the… why?" She laughed softly and made herself comfortable on the chair close to the bed.

"You said you wanted to talk, and I didn't want Eric here. I didn't want to wake you though, I figured you'd be up but I can-"  
"Is fine," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes, and winced as I attempted to stretch, resulting in a shock of sudden pain shooting through my body. "I wasn't sleeping, what time is it?"

"It's 11:30 a.m.," She answered, "and you were definitely sleeping," I grimaced, then blindly reached over to the small table by me. My eyes were not adjusted to the morning rays that made my eyes feel like they were going to burn. A sinking feeling dropped my stomach as I realized why I could not feel my glasses within proximity of the small bed stand. Without my glasses, I was vulnerable, weak. And I wasn't vulnerable _or_ weak. Dammit, I needed my glasses.

"For once you can't hide," Donna grinned as she spoke. I nodded and lowered my head. "Hyde, when we found you, you were so close to dying, there was so much blood. Oh my God, it was awful! Eric had went back to the basement and told me you left, and seemed really bothered by something, and that he was worried. So the two of us waited for Kelso, Fez, and Jackie to arrive, and then all of us went out to look for you. We didn't have to go to that many places, first we checked The Hub, then your old house, and next the water tower. You were on the ground, and I have never been so scared, Hyde. I… we thought we lost you!"

I didn't care. I didn't want to hear about this, I just wanted to put it in the past, and I thought Donna knew that! So why was she bringing it up?

"I know," I said, "Donna, I just want you to know, I didn't mean to kiss you. I was just drunk, and it just happened, and I'm sorry."

"You're lying, Hyde. Come on, I can see it in your eyes." Damn, I really needed my glasses. "And I'm glad! I hate it when you were those stupid glasses. It puts you in a world, isolated with yourself. What you say, could be different, is different than what your eyes tell. You know that, and you're one of my best friends. You gotta let me in."

A battle raged on within me. Countless emotions were running through me as I tried to comprehend what Donna just told me. I wanted to be more than her friend. I wanted to let her in. But, I did once, and that nearly brought the death of me. And if she did notice, she'd realize that I hadn't worn my glasses until _after_ four years ago. But, of course she wouldn't remember.

"Hyde, when did you realize you liked me?" Donna asked me, voice quiet. I took a deep breath, ignoring the tone in her voice. The feeling of emotion burned and scalded my heart, the flames reaching me eyes and…. Donna was there, and now more than ever today, I wanted my glasses. A tear slipped from my eye as she gripped my shoulder. "Hyde, look at me," I shook my head, trying my hardest not to have her see me like this.

Donna moved from the chair to the bed, and grabbed my face in her hands as she forced me to look at her.

"Donna, let go, dammit!" I growled viciously, feeling more tears well in my eyes.

I felt it. Her eyes stared at the tears falling down my face. I watched her let go of me, but she didn't look away.

"What's wrong? I didn't-"  
"You want me to be honest?" I don't know where that came from. As she nodded, I started in. "Do you remember four years ago yesterday?" Donna nodded slowly, biting her lip, and eyes playing timid. "Do you remember I asked if I could go over?" Donna nodded once again, I could tell she was catching on. "I was at your house, I was going to go through the back yard. I open the gate and I…" My voice broke, I quivered as the memory came haunting at me again, making the hurt and the pain return as well. "I was going to tell you how I felt but…"  
"You saw me and Eric instead," She finished for me and I nodded. My watering eyes met hers and she sighed. "I saw you, Hyde."

I felt my jaw drop in surprise, eyes full of shock.

"I did," Donna continued cautiously, "I pulled away from Eric, told him I'd think about it, and then he left. I called you, and got no answer. Called back, and you acted as though you didn't see anything. I… I should have known, Hyde, and I'm sorry."

Donna had seen me. She knew I had been there. So why didn't she say that on the phone? Why did she put it in the past so easily?

Realization hit. She forgot because of me. My apathy, my sarcasm, and my lack of emotions. I didn't let her see how much her decision killed me. Hell, I didn't let anyone see my emotions. If only I had this time, things would be good for me. Why was I always trying to show how tough I was, rather than really showing myself/

"Damn," I whispered, feeling stupid. How come it was somehow my fault? "If… I had told you that night, would you have gone out with me?" My heart almost ripped as I watched her nod slowly. Guilt and remorse ran their courses through me. _'God dammit, why are you so fucking stupid?' _I cursed at myself. I just wanted to hide away, God, how did the tables turn so fast? Why can't I not feel?

"Hyde, look at me," I couldn't. Humiliation, anger, and melancholy was passing through me, stealing me away from this conversation. I haven't felt this low since… since the day I hurt myself. But… was it entirely my fault? Maybe, maybe not, but either way it was all on me, somehow. Things always turned out to be my fault, whether or not I did it, or was at the place at the time. Always has been that way, and more than likely it will stay that way. "Steven Hyde,"

Donna never used my first name; hell, no one really did. Except Ja… nah, nobody. I glanced up at Donna, feeling naked, she could see exactly what I was so afraid of showing.

"Why do you always hide your eyes? Hyde, please… how are you feeling?"

"Nothing,"

Donna glared daggers at me, and waited for a more 'honest' response. Well, it was honest; I went numb- emotion overload.

"Hyde…" The daggers turned magically to a blaze as a mischievous smirk curled onto her lips. "Don't make me tickle you," She warned. Normally, I would have screamed and ran, or hidden from her. But, now I just stared on, my mouth twitching in attempts of a smile.

"Donna, can't you tell? I don't, I can't feel. Anything, I'm numb, and I hate it." I mumbled feebly, feeling like a little boy again. The days I was open with my feelings, and when I learned not to trust, or to love, or let people in.

"Why?" Donna looked scared or worried about me. "Is it because of me?" I shook my head.

"Everything, things in the past, how I was raised, what you've just told me, everything. It's me, and I hate it."

To feel, or not to feel? That is the question. When I felt, I wanted the emotions blocked away from my heart. But, when I didn't feel, I wanted more than anything to hurt, or to be angry. And I didn't understand.

"Donna, don't worry about me, I'll be fine, okay?" I lied, what would it to her? I could fake it; as long as she was happy, I'd be all right. Maybe.

"How can I not worry, you idiot?" Donna snapped. "I want you to be happy, you deserve it," I shrugged, staring at the sun out the window. "Look at me, Hyde!" Turning my head, I gazed at her.

Tears welled in her eyes and I tensed. Me being raised in a home with no feelings lead to awkward reassuring moments for me. "You have to be happy," Her voice wavered and a drop fell from her eye. Dammit, I made her cry.

'_Way to go, dumbass,'_ I thought angrily as she breathed in deeply.

Donna looked up at me, the rain from her eyes slipping down her cheeks. I've never seen her cry; and well, I never wanted to, either.

"Donna, hey… it's okay," I did what I shouldn't have done. Leaning forward, I wrapped my arms around her in a hug. She was silent, and unmoving; no heart-wrenching wails, or sobs that made her shake. "C'mon kid, smile," I whispered, running my hand through her hair. She laughed weakly into my shirt and sniffled, resting her head against my chest. Not good.

"I'm… sorry," Donna croaked a few minutes later, wiping her eyes. "That was really stupid." I shook my head, staring into her eyes. She looked so weak, and fragile, like a wounded angel. My wounded an- I stopped myself before I could think anymore about it.

"Nah, it's not stupid, don't waste your tears on me, kid." I replied, wiping away a drop trickling down her face. "All better, still as beau-"

I couldn't do this; to her, or to me. This was just torture; I could not continue my impulsive kind/romantic acts, for our own good. So, closing my eyes, I looked away from her. Ashamed of how I was acting and embarrassed of myself as well. Also so she wouldn't see me cry, again, the waterworks being protested at the same time.

My heart leapt into my throat as I felt something soft against my mouth; lips. Opening my eyes slightly, I saw Donna, sitting in my lap, and face just centimeters apart from mine. Her arm was wrapped around my shoulder, and I froze; terrified. But, I was brought to my senses as my conscience screamed two things- "Kiss her back!" and "Don't do it! Save yourself"

Of course, I listen to the first.

I ran my hand through her soft flaming red hair, kissing her back, the other arm wrapping around her side, pulling her closer to me. The kisses were passionate, and long, and mind-blowing. I never wanted to let go, or to have her leave my arms.

Until she leaned me back against the bed, so I could see out the door. As she moved her head, mouth now kissing my neck, I stared wide eyed, unable to stop her, unable to say anything. Fear.


	5. Nothing

**_Author's Note: _**_**As said in the previous Author's Note, that I don't really know why I posted, I said that I am busy, with tons of stuff. Which is more than correct. I will be trying to post as often as I can, but that will get pretty difficult. But the wait will be a good thing, because summer vacation is almost here, and summer vacation plus lame me = fan fiction. A lot of it. Hope this temporary sooths the anticipation! **_

**_Love, ARH.  
_**

* * *

A feeling of ice cold dread ran through me. My heartbeat was racing faster than ever, and my mind was so fuzzy. Half my concentration was shot by Donna and the cruel fact that she's a female. But, we were found, and I knew what I had to do.

"Donna… please… Donna stop." I murmured, trying to sound like I meant it. Her eyes averted to mine and looked confused. "This isn't right, you're with Eric and I… I'm just…" My last words were less than a whisper; _a fuck up._

Yes, I did want her to stop. Yes, it was extremely hard for me to make her, let alone to even just tell her. But I had to, for me, for her, for everyone. I wanted to do something right; for once._  
_

"Y-you're right. I… I'm sorry, Hyde. I shouldn't have done that, I should… I think I should go." Before I could say anything, she already scrambled out of the room, leaving me to beat myself up.

How could I have done that? How could I let Donna do that? This would kill Forman if he found out, and she and I just needed to figure things out, without physical contact. My greatest fear was Donna telling Forman what all happened, and his reaction on the whole situation.

"Dude, no lie, that was fuckin' hot, man!" I glared at Kelso as he just walked right into my room, grinning wickedly. "But what the hell, man? She's Forman's!"

I could hear Donna's retaliation to the fact of being an object to be possessed spring alive in my head, and a strike of anguish flooded through me again.

There was so much hell to pay for, and fix, but more things to apologize for. Now it wasn't all my fault, but yes, majority could be put all on me; like always.

"Kelso, man, you can't tell anyone, okay?" He laughed and nodded. "It's not happening again, so don't think you can find us hiding somewhere getting it on."

"Who knew you had it in you? Going against your best friend and getting' it on with his girl! That's my job." I raised my eyebrows at him. "Wait… I wouldn't do that! I'd just cheat on Jackie with Laurie."

"And that's not bad enough," I grumbled sarcastically, "Please… God please tell me you have some Mary?" Kelso made a disgusted face.

"I said Laurie, not Mary, I could get Hill for you, but not-"

"Not Mary Hill, Mary Jane!" I snapped viciously, needed to cut some stress out with some herb.

"Oh… she's smokin'!"

I wasn't sure whether to strangle him, or laugh at the irony of his word choice. He was talking about girls; his choice of relief. Whereas, mine was the herb.

"I'm not talking about chicks, man! I'm talkin about my stash!"

"You named your sta-" After sending Kelso an ominous death glare, a look of realization crossed his face. "Youre talking about your 'stash' stash, not your stache…"

Groaning in annoyance, I hit my forehead against the palm of my hand, nodding very slowly.

"Yes, you idiot! Did you bring it?" He chuckled as I barked my question.

"I'm not dumb enough to bring it to a hospital. Hyde, that's just weird!" Sighing deeply, I thought about his last sentence. He thought walking around town in just his underwear was normal, but bringing marijuana to the hospital for his friend was weird? Really? "So, like, what are you gonna do about Donna?" I shrugged my shoulders as I laid back against the bed once again.

I really had no idea what I was going to do; my mind was so confused over the whole ting. Donna was with Forman, but also maybe secretly wanted me? Either Forman or I would be hurt. He had hurt me before, I had ever right to break him, didn't I?

"I dunno man, just leave it be, I guess." I answered, folding the corner of the blanket on my bed repeatedly; an act of nerves.

"Oh dude, guess what?!" I felt a quick jolt of alertness rush through my head, and I gawked at him with one eyebrow raised. I was glad for the subject change, but…

"Did you just call me 'dude'?" I asked him, in total, disgusted awe. No one used that stupid jocky surfboy poor excused of a nickname on me. So why was Kelso even saying it?

"Uh, yeah, it's like… the new word, and I-"  
"Well no it's not and don't call me that, man it's just weird."

"I'm sorry man, I won't call you that again, I was just…"  
"Kelso, hey man it was fine, I was just messin'. But, try not to call me it again, okay, dude?" He laughed at the emphasized word that sounded so foreign and just really odd coming from me. It did annoy me by him calling me that, but I didn't want him to get all upset about it, reason why I said it was 'fine'.

I liked having a normal conversation for once. Even though it was with a self-absorbed horny dumbass, it was better than any other I've had. I never thought I'd be so happy to talk to Kelso, but I was. Even though it would be the only time, more than likely.

"So, is everyone else coming or did you just come on your own?" Sure, Kelso was a friend, but it wasn't like him to hang out with me on his own doing. In fact, he tries to avoid being around me sometimes, so I was just genuinely curious.

"Oh, well I came to say hi, and something else, I don't think it was important." I sighed, knowing that what he had to tell me was probably the exact opposite of what he 'reassured' me.

"Anything to do with me?" I questioned, once again refraining myself from strangling him as he scrunched his face in confusion. '_Zen_,' I told myself over and over, to stay calm.

"Uh… yeah! It did!" I facepalmed again, and took a heavy breath.

"Great…" I grumbled flatly, "Would anyone else know?" Kelso nodded vigorously.

"Ja- nevermind." I had a bad feeling about that. I knew he had been about to say Jackie, but he stopped himself, he and Jackie had probably broken up again. But, I would not ask him about it, or even notice the mistake.

"Did you and Jackie break up or something?" It slipped out. God dammit! Now he'd get all emotional and cry, and that was the last thing I wanted. Where was my zen?!

"Yeah, I don't know what I did though! I love Jackie, I gave her everything, and she just leaves me."

"Well, maybe it's because you, I dunno, cheated on her with Laurie?" Kelso gave me the weirdest look.

"No way, you think?" I nodded ever so slowly, and he just hung his head. " Idid it because Laurie has bigger boobs…" He sounded defeated, my eyes narrowed and I sighed softly. Why cheat? If he loved Jackie, then just be with her, Laurie is just a bitch. Why go and ruin a 'perfect' relationship? Then again, this was _me_ talking, and all I do is sleaze around picking up girls beyond wasted, or pine over my best friend's girlfriend. Who I just made out with; man, I was awful.

My thinking made me suddenly very depressed; I just wanted to be alone. I didn't even care about what Kelso had to tell me now, I just wanted him gone, and no one else to bother me. I had an idea.

"Hey, uh, Kelso, can I ask you a favor?" I questioned, he nodded and grinned, probably feeling important.

"Yeah, sure!"

"Can you go to Forman's and get me… get me my… toothbrush?"

After Kelso promised to return with said toothbrush, he ran out, the door slamming shut behind him. I took a glance at the table on my left, and spotted my green brush on the table, as well as toothpaste. I smirked and pulled the blankets off me.

I winced as I sluggishly dragged myself out of bed. My muscles ached worse than yesterday, and I was still extremely dizzy with each footstep. The short walk to the bathroom took triple the amount of time, and I hated it. I was really confused as to why I hurt so much. Yes, I had taken a pretty nasty fall from the water tower, but I hadn't broken any bones. And no, I wasn't a wimp, I grew up with pain, I could handle it.

As I brushed my teeth, I avoided my reflection which was no so much uglier than before. Instead of pale skin, I was blue, purple, red and yellow all over. My eyes were still swollen, now a purple red on the skin. The cut on my cheek looked the same as yesterday. In fact, the only thing that was different was my clothes, and the colors of the bruises. Man, did I feel great!

I turned away from the mirror, so I couldn't see the angry and disgusted glare my reflection cast. That thing was evil! I never really did like my appearance, and the injuries that were conspicuous on my face just made it all so much worse. After spitting out the toothpaste and swishing water to rinse, I turned off the light and hobbled over to the bed once again.

I finally got comfortable, with my back up against the bed and the blankets just over my lap, but not covering my feet. The room was quiet and very monotonous, but the solitude was really nice, and necessary. I reached to the table and grabbed the book I was currently reading, "The Catcher in the Rye", that Kitty had been so kind to pack.

Just as I had turned to the page I had previously read, I heard a soft, clicking noise. The noise continued to grow louder and faster, until I could put a name to the sound, and what, or who, it was. I gulped, dropping the book as I prepared myself, cursing as I hugged my legs to my chest. The voice my ears were ready to hear filled the room and I sighed.

"Steven, we need to talk."


	6. Change

**_Author's Note: Yes, I do realize that me posting within 24 hours of that previous chapter does not go along with my slight little break thing. I know. This was a short chapter and I could type it quick, and I had free time on my hands (woot!) so I decided to be a nice person, and upload a new chappy. What helped me write and type this was getting into the 'Hyde' mode, which consists of lots of Led Zeppelin and sarcasm, and of course, Zen. Not 'Mary Jane' though :D_**. **_Well, anywho, this chapter is rather short, but the next couple, which will probably be the final two, will be very long. Well, probably less than 8,000 words. :P_**

**_Love,_**

**_ARH_**

**_PS- in the last chapter, who liked the little bit about Mary Jane being 'smokin'? :D_**

**_

* * *

  
_**

A bitter taste filled my mouth as I heard the voice that grated at my ear drums. Why did I have to deal with _her_?

"What, Jackie?" My voice was flat and gravely, but had just a hint of annoyance tainting the monotone.

I had a very strong feeling that she was going to vent about her break up. I didn't want to deal with her stupid drama, but knew there was probably no choice. What I didn't understand, is if she hated me so much, why did she always come to me and vent like I actually want to hear her daily dose of 'shoot me'?

Jackie sat on the chair closest to the bed, and scooted closer to me. I tensed, feeling very intimidated and awkward by her level of proximity.

"Donna told me."

Her sentence made my blood run cold, fear once again spreading through my heart like an icy fire. Why the hell did Donna talk about it? Who all knew? That wasn't like Donna.

"What of it?" Zen. I acted cool as I answered her. I wouldn't let Jackie Burkhart scare me, or at least let her know that.

"Steven, I never though you had it in you. Why would you do it?"

I stared her in the eye, contemplating on deceit or honesty. Jackie was a down right bitch, and I was not about to trust _anyone_, especially Jackie? So why was she so concerned? She, as well as the rest of the world, didn't know what I had in me. I could commit murder, or steal a car, or burn down the school… if I didn't have a heart. She could not tell me what I did and didn't have in me.

"I had reasons, for one, I was drunk, and I…"

"You what?"

Did she actually think I was going to open up to her? That was absolutely insane!

"Nothing, uh, Kelso said he had something to tell me, but didn't remember. Do you know what it was?"

Jackie sniffled and turned away; I had just hurt her. How could she be so moody? It must come with her high status and selfishness. Bitch.

"Sorry, I was just curious," I finally mumbled, playing with the corner of the blanket once again, unsure of what else to do.

Jackie huffed and folded her arms as she glared at me viciously. What had I done?

"I'm not upset about stupid Michael. We are over, and for good." I snorted at that.

"What ever you say, Jackie."

"I'm upset because you won't talk to me! Steven, I know we basically hate each other, but I'm not heartless, and… and I understand." I raised me eyebrows. She had stated exactly why I would not open up to her; we can't stand each other! And, how could Jackie Burkhart, shallow drama queen, understand me; Steven Hyde, ultimate stoner fuck up?

"Yep, you kissed your best friend's girlfriend."

"No, Steven. Unrequited love! You love Donna, who loves Eric, and you know they'll be together forever. But, you aren't capable of letting go of your feelings, and through what she's done to you, you still love her! Then, she kisses you, which plays with your mind and emotions even more! I may seem like a spoiled bitch, but I have feelings and I…"

I could not believe what I was feeling, thinking, but most of all; hearing. Jackie was being, for once, really nice. And to me, which was a definite first; except when I took her to prom. Then, I wondered; what did she want from me?

"Uh…" was all I said before Jackie's face lit up. _'Oh God,'_ I thought, _'what is going through her little head?'_

"Ooh! Steven, I have two surprises!" I was wear of her; she was so excited that she was trembling. I hesitantly nodded at her to continue speaking, yet the voice in my head, also known as my usually silent conscious was screaming, _'you bastard, what the fuck are you thinking?!' _"Here's one."

Jackie dropped a small black rectangular box onto my lap. Eyeing it cautiously, I slowly prised open the box, and felt my jaw drop.

"No. Way." I stared in shock at the pair of sunglasses in the case. They were exactly like my old ones, this was wicked!

"Do you like them?" Jackie asked me innocently. I nodded twice, in awe still. How had she known how they looked, and the brand? "I told Kitty not to worry about it, I wanted to get it. Um, I hope you don't mind that I got-"  
"Why? I mean, thanks, it was uh… really nice of you. But why did you, who hates me, want to buy me something?"

"Because, it's your security blanket, and you've gotten me stuff before. So I wanted to pay you back, and hopefully have a new start." I looked up at her, sliding the sunglasses onto my nose before she could see my eyes. I didn't want her to know she made me happy, but I also figured she knew that already.

Why was Burkhart suddenly being so nice? Did she pity me? I didn't need some rich girl's sympathy, let alone anyone's.

"Well, thanks again, Jackie, and uh, yeah we could um… try?" That whole sentence was so hard to spit out. I was thanking the person I loathed the most. Okay, she was as bad as the parents who abandoned me. I guess there really is a heart, and maybe half a brain, in Jackie. And that really surprised me. _Now_, what was I thinking?

"Also, this is what… was supposed to be passed along to you," Jackie took a long pause, and I was getting agitated. Come on, I needed to know already, dammit! "When the Forman's get here, you are going home!"

I grinned wickedly, unsure on if this was true, but it just had to be! I was going home, I was about to be freed from the hospital; I could have my stash, and not have to be somewhere I'm not comfortable! This was probably going to the best day of my life! Then, I look to my right, and see Jackie Burkhart. The grin faded to a very faint smile as I suddenly felt very awkward, being alone with her and all, in this happy fest.

"Steven, you do know that Donna will choose to stay with Eric, right?" Hesitantly, I nodded.

"Jackie, I know you mean well, and I do appreciate it. But… uh I'm about to go home, and I don't want to really deal with this right now, okay?"

"But, Donna-"

"I don't care, Jackie," I growled, "It's my problem." After snapping at her, and hearing her sniffle, I felt sort of bad.

"Fuck it," she whimpered, stomping out of the room before I could say anything. The scent of her perfume was left behind, as well as the echo of her words. Did Jackie just say 'fuck'?

That was not a good movie on my part. She could tell Forman, everyone, about what I did. Dammit. I guess I should have been nicer to her. Wait.

I stopped myself.

Me? Nice? To Jackie?

Gag me.


	7. Breakdown

_**Author's Note: You guys are lucky I have no homework :D. All right, this chapter at first seems pretty light. Well, you are mistaken. It gets pretty dark, I'd give the later part of this chapter an 'M' because, I think it gets pretty bad... honestly that's how I felt last night while writing, the episode "Hyde Moves In" helped me so much to write this (I watched it twice last night:D, cried the first... I'm a baby). Well, I think this is probably the best chapter written, has more of the first chapter feel, rather than the humor, yet there is some. I just want to warn you. :). Oh, check out the song "Dead Flowers" by The Rolling Stones, that's the song featured in this chapter. (It could go along well with two people it talks about later, I think you'll know who)  
**_

**_Love,_**

**_ARH._**

**_PS: I'm pretty sure this is the longest chapter yet!! :D Told you the last ones would be longer hahaha.  
_**

**_

* * *

  
_**

"Oh, Steven!"

I spun around quickly, wincing and smiled at the people standing in the doorway.

"Mrs. Forman," I began to limp over to the family, but was stopped by Kitty, who scrambled over and squeezed me tight. I bit my lip, and suppressed a grunt of pain, trying my best not to let the very short and petite woman know that her embrace was just a little more than slightly painful.

"I'm so glad you're coming home!" I smiled forcefully at her as she squealed, and nodded, still attempting to hide the fact that her hug… well… hurt.

"Me too," I mumbled weakly as she let go, still beaming at me; like I was a son who just helped the football team win. Someone she was so proud of. But, of course, I wasn't deserving of that pride. And Forman seemed really happy that I was going back home. Hell, even Red had a smile, a very minuscule smile, but there was definitely something there. And that's all that mattered.

I was still afraid of this; a loving family, a secure home, and I lived there! I had found home in an environment polar opposite of what I grew up with, and though it's been a couple years now, it's still sometimes hard to get used to. I mean, fresh and hot breakfasts when I wake up, people wanting to see the best of me, encouraging me to be the person who they know is locked up tight within. It was weird, but I loved it. I didn't feel like an outsider any longer, I knew that I did belong. And like Red's microscopic smile, I felt that, and knew it was there. That's what mattered the most. So why did I feel so scared?

"Eric, Get Steven's bag," Red barked, Forman met eyes with me and I shook my head, chuckling softly.

"It's fine, I can get my stuff, Mr. Forman." I hoisted the bag over my shoulder, and a gradual, yet intense burning followed. I gritted my teeth and stumbled forward; it shocked me that I was still in so much pain.

After Red forced me to hand my bag over to Forman, and the nurses, plus Kitty, battled against me to sit in a wheelchair, I was completely swept of my dignity. I flipped Forman off after he grinned wickedly at me, Kitty pushing me merrily down the halls of the hospital. Hide me.

Red signed the release forms, and I found out that I'd have to do a drug test everyday for two months. It was extremely hard to act like I was fine with that, and that it didn't affect me at all, yet I had my new sunglasses, so it was all right.

It felt incredible to be free. As soon as Kitty walked out of the hospital, I shot up from the wheel chair, and Forman snickered. Kitty glared at me but sighed, turning the chair around and taking it in. There was no use arguing, I had agreed to be pushed out until I left the premises of the hospital- I considered that indoors only. The warm sun hit my skin and felt so hot compared to moments just before in the hospital, where it felt like the average temperature was barely above freezing.

No more rock hard hospital bed, or disgusting food, or nurses checking on me every hour, or lack of privacy. I could relax and eat whatever I wanted, and feel comfortable again. And I'd be able to sleep.

Kitty glanced back at me from the passenger seat and smiled happily. I responded with the same, kind gesture, then turned to my reflection in the window; two one thing in particular. No, not the wounds or bruises, not my too curly hair, or the 5 o'clock shadow that needed to be shaved. But my eyes. I was happy, but I couldn't see that. So, could no one else?  
I did the unthinkable. Something that shocked Forman to the point his jaw dropped. Self consciously, I lifted the glasses Jackie bought me off of my face. After staring at them for quite some time, I tucked them in their case, hidden at the top of my bag. Never would I have taken my sunglasses off so people could know I was happy. But, it seemed the right thing to do, especially for the Forman's. I wanted them to know that I was happy.

My mind began to replay moments and conversations that have happened over the past few days. Donna kissing me, telling me that if I had talked to her way back when, we'd be dating. How we both went against our best friend, how I still cared for her. And then Jackie; the girl I loathed, until earlier today. I saw a side of Jackie I didn't think anyone else has ever seen. Not even Kelso. So, why me?

I actually agreed with Jackie, shocker. She knew how I felt, but how? And who? She's always been with Kelso, the guy she's always loved since I knew her. She told me it wasn't my fault, and that it was on Donna; for leading me on, and breaking me.

Donna really did piss me off. How could she just kiss me? How could she blame me for that? No, it wasn't my fault, and she couldn't blame me. I wouldn't let her.

It was like, these past few days, I've grown, emotionally. I feel, I show and tell, I don't want to hide anymore. There was a slight boost in a confidence parked in the negatives. And strangely, it was because of Jackie Burkhart. How the hell did that work out?

"Hyde!" Forman exclaimed, slugging my arm softly. I snapped my head to face my friend. "We're home, you fell asleep." I did? "Yeah, it was fuckin' hilarious; are you hiding something from me?"

My heart violently pounded in my chest as fear, once again, took a hold of me. Oh, God, what did I do? Did I say something out loud?

"No man, why?" I questioned hesitantly. Forman burst out laughing and I bit my lip nervously.  
"Jackie… oh Jackie…" Forman fake moaned the name in between fits of laughter. "You were saying her name… over and over…. You better be glad Mom and Dad didn't hear… I was laughing my ass of man!"

"Oh God, that's just wrong!" I shuddered, but felt embarrassed. What was… how did… what the fuck?! In just a few hours time, did I switch my feelings from Donna to… Jackie? The thought was an anvil in my brain and I felt a chill sweep through me.

No. No I don't like Jackie. I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't I don't don't don't don't don't don't don't like Jackie Burkhart!

Eric just nodded and smirked while laughing softly still. I glared viciously at him; though the thought of me liking Jackie _was_ better than him suspecting I liked Donna.

As soon as Forman and I stepped indoors, we ran straight to the basement. By the time I was down the stairs, Forman was lying stretched out on the couch. I dropped my olive green ratty gym bag with a thud, and hobbled over to sit on the couch beside my best friend. My eyes stared at the television screen with no interest as he flipped through the channels.

My hand sunk in between the couch cushions, searching for a notebook of mine. I felt the heavy paper cover sharply cut against my hand, and I cursed quietly. Setting the book on my lap, I pulled the pencil from the metal spiral binding, and opened to a blank page. With pencil in hand, I began to sketch a picture that seemed to pop into my head a lot. I didn't know what it was, but it seemed as if my mind shoved little bits and pieces of it, like a puzzle, and I had to put it together on paper.

Eric eyed me curiously, but went back to flipping through the few television channels they had. A form of insecurity waved through me as I began to outline the image in my mind. He was still pretty shocked that I had artistic skills, no one really knows that I can paint, draw, and write. Hell, the only thing anyone knows about me is that my favorite 'hobby' was smoking herb, and my favorite band was Led Zeppelin. But, since I moved into the Forman's basement, Eric kept finding out little bits of random information about me. For example, if anyone tried to wake me, either I wouldn't hear the person, and continue in slumber, or I'd kill them. Also, I will not under any circumstances eat any form of pork; it makes me sick. Also, unlike him, I wear my clothes to bed (I still remember the night I walked up to the kitchen at 3 in the morning and found him drinking milk… naked… Oh God). I shuddered at that thought and sighed softly, now beginning to shade in my drawing in the making.

"Now what are you drawing?" Forman asked to break the silence.

"I dunno, something in my head that I've seen. It's weird man, cause I dunno what it is. I just see little bits, but they make one big thing."  
"Well, what do you see now?"

"A brown eye." Eric nodded slowly, not questioning what I saw. Since it was me, it would probably turn out to be something like a monster… or a bunny. One or the other.

While I continued to sketch, Forman ended up turning off the television, and informed me he was going to Donna's. I nodded, then asked him if on his way out he could turn on the record player, and after doing so, he quickly high-tailed it. It was weird; I didn't feel any jealousy when he mentioned Donna… I guess that's a good thing. I shrugged to myself and continued on with this drawing, shading in the second almond shaped eye. This looked oddly familiar, as I could that this wasn't a thing, but a person.

My eyes traveled to the record player, the room filling with the sound of The Rolling Stones. Content, I sighed and reclined on the couch once again, taking the pencil in my left hand now, drawing just as well.

If I wasn't smoking it up, my other release was music. The heavy guitars and wicked riffs were absolutely incredible, with a mean drum solo, heavy bass, and of course, and angry voice. It was like all of the artists knew me, and could write songs to fit my experiences. I always felt connected and actually happy when I listened to music. Now, if I had combined music with herb, I was in paradise.

One thing I hated though, was the music, they lyrics, sometimes they got me thinking. They got me to remember things, little things in the past that haunt me to this day. And my future, which right now was nothing; and I hated it. Sometimes it was just a slap in the face, and a way for me to hate everything about myself even more.

I scowled; this would be one of those times. The song playing made me sick; I loved the Stones but… this song fit too well. I grudgingly listened to the sound of Mick Jagger's voice and began to tremble.

_"Well I hope you won't see me in my ragged company. Well, you know I could never be alone. Take me down little Susie, take me down, I know you think you're the queen of the underground. And you can send me dead flowers every morning. Send me dead flowers by the mail, send me dead flowers to my wedding, and I won't forget to put roses on your grave. Well when you're sitting back in your rose pink Cadillac, making bets on Kentucky Derby Day. Ah, I'll be in my basement room with a needle and a spoon. And another girl to take my pain away…"_

For some reason, this song always made me think of my mom. And I couldn't think about her, it didn't matter. I didn't care about her, so what was the point? I never wondered where she was, or if she was happy. I never was curious as to if she missed me, or even thought about me. I didn't want to get a random phone call from her, telling me she was a changed person, who felt shitty for all the crap she did to me. And maybe she'd even say that she was coming home… to stay. I also didn't miss her, or long from a hug from my own mother; Kitty was enough. I didn't want to hear her tell me she was proud of the man I have become, and that she loved me. I never wanted to hear those words; never at all.

Misery and anger began to stir within me. This is what happens when I take it too far. I had begun to let people in my life; show my emotions. I didn't want that! My mom's absence never affected me that much… okay, it did. But, I never let it show. So, why now?

My body began to shake with rage as the song "Dead Flowers" continued to play. The voice and words filled my ears, fuelling my rage. _"And you can send me dead flowers every morning. Send me dead flowers by the mail, send me dead flowers to my wedding, and I won't forget to put roses on your grave." _Clenching my fists, I stood up and began to pace. Zen, was now out the window, which meant my mind would race with all the things I thought… not good.

I was lame, a low life. My dad left me, not caring at all. My mom abandoned me for a stupid trucker. The girl I thought I loved was leading me on, and my best friend seemed afraid of me. AS of now, I had nothing and nowhere I was headed. No goals, or future, or money, nothing.

The lyrics carved into my head, and I finally couldn't take it. My anger was finally at the bursting point, I could no longer keep this inside of me… it was too much.

Shooting off the couch, I roared angrily, tears streaming down my face as I screamed. I stormed the record player, and ripped out the album, then broke it in half.

"God dammit!" I bellowed, chucking the vinyl pieces every which way and hurled myself at the wall as I punched with all my strength. It was a good thing that the walls were sound proof, other wise Kitty or Red would be coming down here at any moment; not that they still wouldn't. Anyone would, because I never act on my emotions, I never let my anger get this bad… I wouldn't be too surprised if the neighbor didn't come to the door and question if everything was okay. It wasn't good for me to let my anger get like this, for one, it was so hard for me to calm down again, and also, I held it all in.

"Stupid… fucking… GOD!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, aimed at one person only. I kicked the wall and stormed into my small bedroom area in the basement. I hurled objects and screamed and curled, then found myself crying.

"Just like a fucking baby," I whimpered, trying to halt the water works. I threw a weak punch at the wall once more, before letting the sob fest possess me.

I lost myself fin the breakdown, now I was reduced to the person I really am; a mess. I curled up against the wall, my body shaking and screaming at me for the abuse that had just taken place. God, what was fucking wrong with me?

"God dammit," I whispered, breathing slowly to stop crying. "Get a hold of yourself, you stupid fuck up."

Pulling off my glasses, I rubbed my eyes and then averted my view to the ceiling, to concentrate on the lines in the paint; a way for me to get myself together. My breathing was growing softer as I calmed, slowly, but surely. _This_ is _exactly_ why I keep everything bottled inside, _and nothing was ever supposed to break the bottle permanently_. But it seemed that sometime in the past couple days, I allowed someone to mess with said bottle… maybe even me.

A soft creak came from outside of my room, on the floor. Someone was down here; oh shit. Then a very soft gasp that was almost a whisper; they were caught. I tensed immediately, someone had seen my blow up probably. I'm sure of it. I'd probably be going back to the hospital now, for mental instability; joy! Well, I was stable, I was just pissed, dammit!

"S-Steven…?" The high, soft, and slightly annoying voice stuttered my name. I turned my head, ever so slowly to the doorway, and saw a crying… wait… Jackie was crying?

"What?!" I snapped angrily, but before she said anything, and before I could stop her, she scrambled over and hugged me tightly as she sobbed into my shoulder.

My emotions were raw, and my head was fuzzy with confusion right now. What the fuck was Jackie thinking? _What was she doing_?!

But, I just stayed there instead of lashing out again, too weak. The two of us curled up on my bedroom floor, and I was holding the girl I would never expect to be in my arms whilst I try to reassure her.

_But what about me?_


	8. Unrequited

_**Author's Note: Quite a bit of dialogue going on in this one. I hope it's okay... this one will be still continuing a lot longer than I thought. I love the next chapter, and I can't wait to post it, but you'll just have to wait mwuahahahaha. Ha. The song at the end is by the amazing band The Doors. (Led Zeppelin would be too obvious, didn't want to use them). **_

_**Love,**_

_**Angie R. **_

_**

* * *

**_

Jackie finally calmed down, which was a relief because my shirt was soaked and my entire left arm had fallen asleep. I hesitantly patted he shoulder as she moved away from me.

"Steven, are you… okay?" I scoffed and nodded, carelessly shrugging my shoulders. "No, you're not. I want you to listen to me."

Oh. Great. The very last thing I wanted to do, especially at this moment, was to listen to little miss princess talk.

"You need to talk to someone. I don't know what… your deal is. But I'm pretty sure it's about Donna." I narrowed my eyes. "She used you, Steen. The second time she kissed you, and that's not fair!"

"Jackie," I hissed viciously, "It's not about Donna, so just shut up, got it?" Jackie had a mixture of hurt and anger spread across her face. No. I wouldn't feel sorry for what I said.

"Well, don't blame yourself for what happened, not all of it is your fault. Steven, please talk to me?" No.

"I'm not going to talk, so just leave me the hell alone, okay? Why are you even trying?"  
"Because… I…" her face fell, and a hint of remorse swelled in my heart. "I want you… okay."

That confused me. Jackie was acting really weird, and I didn't know why. Maybe she wanted something, but the last couple days didn't seem like that. Jackie actually seemed like she was generally concerned. Why?

"Do you know what you're going to do?" I nodded at her question, hugging my knees tightly to my chest.

"Leave it be," I growled flatly, "I honestly don't feel anything for her, so what's the point in dwelling?" Was I just lying to her, or was I actually being honest? I didn't think you could get over someone so quickly, but I just wanted to be zen and apathetic again.

"Liar," She accused, "You can't get over someone that fast." I raised my eyebrows, a faint smirk appeared on my face.

"How would you know? You've only been with Kelso, who you've loved always. Unrequited, my ass." I growled, slipping on the sunglasses she had bought me.

"No, you jerk. There was a guy I loved before Michael. But… I knew we'd never be together, so I just dated the next best thing… so I thought." I snorted, along with unrequited… next best thing my ass.

"Yeah… who was the lucky fellow?" I asked, out of general curiosity. She shook her head and gazed at her dark sun-tanned hands.

"Just a guy, it doesn't matter. I don't think you like hm."  
"Who?" The possibilities could have been endless. From Brian Werly to Scott Hansen, just about any guy, any person I hated. But once again, she just shrugged. "Whatever," I sided with her, and did the same action.

Though I still felt emotionally exposed, my anger was gone, as well as the aching sadness. I just felt… neutral. And surprisingly, talking to Burkhart was actually helping.

"He is like, the exact opposite of me, I knew I'd be made fun of, but I honestly didn't care. He is tall and pale, with blonde hair, and he doesn't smile too often, but when he does, it's one of the best smiles I've seen; even better than my own. He is very talented with art, and I've heard him sing sometimes, and he can play guitar. And he helps people, which makes me respect him, especially for what I know he's been through. He puts everyone before him; in fact, he doesn't care about himself at all! But, that's what makes him the man I love. He's so strong and protective of the people he cares about, but he closes himself off from the rest of the world by hiding… his true feelings. I can't stand to know he suffers and doesn't get help, I wish he would let me, but… he's an arrogant idiot."

"You'd have to talk to him, and maybe he'd open up, I dunno."

Jackie curled up in a tiny ball, and turned away from me. Maybe I should just let the little bitch talk awhile, maybe it could get the conversation off of me.

"I've tried, Steven, but he just pushes me away, and treats me like I'm nothing. I've tried to let him know, but he practically hates me! He has every right to; I've been so awful to him…" I smiled sadly at her, dammit, she did understand. But, believe it or not (I didn't) she had it worse, the guy hated her. At least Donna didn't hate me, in fact, we're still really close.

"Well, I'm sorry… maybe I could talk to him for you?" Her face lit up and I sighed, stretching my legs as they began to grow numb.

"Do you think I could just tell him how I feel?" Jackie asked, I puffed my cheeks and exhaled slowly, letting the air that filled my mouth slowly escape. I shrugged; again. How was I going to give Jackie advice on relationships? The only relationship I was ever in was with… oh God dammit.

"Yeah, guys usually like that. But if he hates you… just uh… talk. Do what feels right. Jackie, why are you asking me about this?" I asked her. " I suck at everything that has to do with relationships."

"No you-"  
"Jackie, listen… _I. Have. Never. Been. In. A Relationship_."

She stared at me, eyes wide. I felt my cheeks heat as I realized I just told her my most embarrassing secret. I mean, they had suspected I'd never dated before, and I've… been around, but they were right. I have never been in a relationship. Even Fez has been in a relationship, which really surprised me. I had to face the shame that I was almost 18, and had never had a girlfriend.

"Aww! Steven, that's so cute!"

_Cute?_ How was that _cute?_ I've never been cute in my entire life, physically, or by anything I have ever said or done. Why did Jackie say that I was 'cute'? Blech. "It's surprising though," I twisted my mouth.

"Well, if I want some action, I know where to get it." I answered her matter-of-factly Her face fell, but her eyes still gazed at me.

"But, don't you want someone to love you? That one girl who will always be there? Love and trust, and the feeling of being wanted?"

Dammit. Jackie knew exactly how to get to me. She knew the words that could bring the ache of loneliness back into my heart and make it hurt all over again.

"Uh, no, not really." I lied, looking her straight in the eye, even though mine were hidden by my sunglasses. "Relationships are not my thing." Jackie huffed and stood up suddenly, leaving my arms cold and empty. Her expression looked hurt as she began to stomp out of my room, but she stopped.

"That's because you've never been in one, Steven." She snapped, then stormed out, her feet soon thudding on my ceiling as she pounded up the stairs.

Well, Jackie had calmed me down really well; which was very shocking. And she wasn't too horrible to talk with. In fact, I rather enjoyed her company. I made a face that contradicted my heart's leap when I could smell her perfume still.

Standing as well, I knew what I had to do. Exiting the basement, my feet thumped quickly up the stairs, to where I knew the person I needed to talk to would be.

Before entering the kitchen, I took a heavy breath. My stomach knotted; why was I so nervous? My hand took of the sunglasses and I folded them into my pocket, more personal. I shouldn't' be afraid, it was _Kitty_ for God's sake! She of all people could help me!

I turned off all common sense as I bound into the room. Kitty jumped and squeaked then laughed nervously when seeing it was only me.

"Steven, would you like to try dessert?" Tempting, but I shook my head as I stared at the pie filling. "Is everything okay?"

I cleared my throat, and sighed.

"Mrs. Forman, can I… uh talk to you? I need some advice?" Her eyes lit up and a wide smile glowed on her face.

"Of course! Oh Steven I'm so glad you came to me, sit down! What do you need help with?"

The two of us sat at the kitchen table, eye to eye.

"All right, don't judge me, or question, please… just listen?" She nodded and I gulped. I wasn't prepared for this; opening up. This was so unlike me, and I knew she understood that, so Kitty would follow my rules perfectly, and ease me into this thing called… talking.

So, I began. I confided with her of the night that changed me four years ago. How I've always loved Donna since then, but was too afraid to tell anyone. Then, how I had gotten drunk, and kissed Donna, which lead to the water tower and all this mess. My excuse for going there was honest; I wanted to go to the most obvious place that anyone of us could think of, yet probably the last place people would check. For when I was gone. That my fall was a mix of drunken stupor and emotions, not a suicide attempt. I even told her of Donna kissing me, and then just talking to Jackie.

Her face was solemn, eyes full of concern as I spoke. She probably hated me; either for drinking or for kissing her son's girlfriend. Kitty had every right to be upset with me, and I'd accept it.

"And now, Jackie is talking about love with me, and it's really freakin' me out."

"Well, what is she saying?"

"She always brings up my love life, what she calls 'unrequited love', and then a situation that she's in. That even when she was with Kelso, she loved this guy who like totally hates her. I dunno what to do or say though, Mrs. Forman; I know she's trying to help with everything by giving me some empathy, but… it's weird!" Kitty just smiled sweetly at me, and I whimpered softly. I didn't deserve her kindness. She and Red and Eric had every right to kick me out, to hate me; but I knew they wouldn't, and they couldn't.

"Steven, how do you feel about Donna?"

I shrugged my shoulders and looked at her, defeated. I replied, "I don't think I like her anymore. There's just no use, I mean, she and Eric… no way am I messing with fate and destiny. I'm horrible for Donna, too, for anyone really. I just want her happy, and she wouldn't be happy with me, and I want Eric happy too. I want everyone happy…" I was putting everyone before myself, like always.

"But, Steven, you should be happy too! You did make some stupid decisions, but so did Donna. If you had talked about your feelings, that wouldn't have happened… But, I have a question: How do you feel about Jackie?"

"Mrs. Forman, I don't even know. That's all so confusing and I just want her to get with that one dude because he seems like a good guy." Her smile turned into a wicked smirk, then a grin. I didn't want to know what she was thinking.

"I think you should go visit Jackie, maybe go out in town for awhile, and talk to her. Then ask her who this fellow is, and then do _exactly _what your heart tells you." Kitty decided finally.

If I listened to my heart, I would be in… a completely different situation now. I'd… be asking Jackie out. I think.

"Thanks, Mrs. Forman, you really did help me. And I'm so sorry for everything I've done. But please… don't tell Eric?"

Kitty nodded and hugged me, promising me she wouldn't tell a soul. Then I waved goodbye and went to the driveway, to my El Camino. I sighed, turning the ignition and back out of the driveway. I turned up the volume on the radio, speeding down the block to the next street, and laughed at the irony of the music blaring out of the speakers.

"_I really want you really do. Really need you, baby, God knows I do. 'Cause I'm not real enough without you. Oh, what can I do? You make me real, you make me feel like lovers feel. You make me throw away mistaken misery, make me free, love. Make me free…"_


	9. Awakened

**_Author's Note: This one is very lighthearted compared to some previously, but it won't stay like that for long. Or will it? :P Eh, I hope you like it, I think this one is my second favorite out of the whole story. What do you think?_**

**_Love,_**

**_Angie R.  
_**

**_

* * *

_**

Nerves were playing with my insides as I turned off my car. My eyes had never seen such a big house as Jackie's. Just how rich were the Burkharts to afford all of this? Something inside me told me that I didn't even want to know, that I probably wouldn't comprehend it. With my sunglasses on, I slid out of my car to the front door.

I climbed the steps to the front porch and hesitated briefly before ringing the door bell. People yelled to each other inside, voices inaudible, and then footsteps grew louder. I paled.

"What are _you_ doing here?" An older man with dark skin and hair barked viciously, face scrunched with distaste at what I presumed was the sight of me. I forgot about parents.

"I… I came to t-talk to Jackie, sir." I stuttered, eyes staring into his. I was extremely intimidated; rich old man, poor orphan boy. 'Show no fear, show no fear, you are Steven Hyde; the man of... dammit. Fear; hidden fear, but fear.' I told myself, and ended up cowering slightly at his glare.

"Why would poor low life scum like _you_ want to see my-"

"Daddy!"

Thank God for Jackie. I heard her, soft footsteps lightly scramble to the door. "Leave Steven alone! He's… my friend!"

"Lousy good for nothin'…" Her dad rambled as he walked away, defeated.

I had never seen Jackie the way I saw her. Her hair was wet, straight and pulled back in a sloppy pony tail, no makeup, and baggy pajamas. I hated to admit it, but, I liked seeing Jackie this way. She wasn't really trying to be anything, and she looked so natural; so… pretty. Oh God…

"Steven, what are you doing here? You're all dressed up… why?" She asked me finally, I smiled weakly at her.

"I wanted to apologize for how I've been treating you. And I uh wanted to know if I could take you out tonight, to make it up to you." Her eyes glowed and she nodded.

"I forgive you Steven, and that's so sweet! Of course! Let me go get ready, come on!"

Jackie grabbed my arm and dragged me up the stairs. I didn't have time to se the appearance of the interior, except it was large, and very fancy looking.

"You wait here, this won't take me long." She patted her bed, and I cautiously sad on the pink blankets. Jackie searched her drawer a few moments, before zipping out of the room, a bundle of clothes in her arms.

I drummed on my legs and sat nervously, awaiting her return. Then, after twenty minutes, I got bored and made my way to the record player and her album collection. My fingers looked beyond Presley, The Monkees, The Mamas and the Papas, with a scrunched face. Poor Jackie didn't know what kind of good music was out there. I grinned when finally finding an album of Led Zeppelin, and quickly pulled out the vinyl. A piece of paper fell out as well, but I ignored it as I put the album on the track. I began to put the little scrap of paper back in the cover slip, but after seeing my name, I slowly unfolded it.

'Steven's favorite band, now I know why he loves them.'

A weird sensation came over me as I folded the paper once again. Did that just… make me _happy_? I forced back the grin that was trying to grow across my face, and quickly hopped on her bed again.

I looked around with slight interest, but felt nervous of all the little stuffed animals staring at me. I glanced toward the floor, and smirked; Jackie's diary.

I wouldn't actually read it, I would just… skim. As I grabbed the diary, I watched the door momentarily, then turned my back so it faced the door. If Jackie came in the room, she wouldn't know I was reading about her private thoughts.

Every page that even mentioned Kelso, I flipped it and read on. But, about ¾ of the way through, I saw… my name. So, I decided to read all that she had put down about me.

_'Steven is so annoying! Everything he says and does and how he acts just bothers me! It's like he is heartless, I know he isn't but he treats others so awful!_

_It was horrible, last night Michael and I were kissing, and I was thinking of him! And wishing that it was him, I should be over that stupid junior high crush, shouldn't I? And then, last night Donna, Eric, Michael and I got back from The Hub, and he was sleeping on the couch in the basement. They went to go find things to wake him with, but I just watched him; it was so adorable! He was holding a pillow and was laying on his back, and his shirt was lifted a little and… oh God Jackie WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!_

_I need to… stop this.'_

Then there was a little heart on the page, with my initials inside.

My heart was racing as realization hit me. I quickly closed the diary and set it on the floor. I hadn't expected that; I wanted some good stuff, to see Jackie rip on someone. Not fantasize or talk about me. How could Jackie Burkhart, total shallow rich bitch, like me, Steven Hyde, low life extraordinaire? The weird part was, I didn't mind that, in fact, it gave me a new sort of boost.

But, where had my feelings for Donna gone? And why did I suddenly have a fancy for Jackie? Had I gone through so much emotional distress that now I was all jacked up? It was good for me to be over Donna, that was just… too long, and too awful. There wasn't a chance between the two of us. Next time, I saw her, I'd tell her, I think she'd be happy. But… what the fuck was I going to do about Jackie?

I heard feet running near the door, and I glanced up as they stopped. Jackie… looked ridiculously hot, way different, just a little bit of makeup, and a simple black dress to match my outfit, but it was still hot. She smiled at me and I stood up, trying my hardest to take my eyes off of her.

"Finally!" I joked sarcastically, "I was just going to find the bathroom and ask if you fell in," She blushed.

"I had to get all pretty for tonight," Jackie murmured, swinging her purse over her arm.

"Either way, you look great to me kid," I noticed that her eyes lit up again as I said that. "Now, c'mon I'm hungry."

I walked out of the house after reassuring her parents that I'd bring her home at 10:30 prompt, and leaned against my car and sighed softly. I hoped this went well, and I also hoped she'd let me pay. I brought all the money I had gotten this month, and wanted to treat her to something.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Jackie questioned, speaking of my current state that just got out of the hospital. I smirked.

"No, but what's the fun in being sure of everything?" I answered, revving my engine and speeding out of her driveway. I turned to her, and she was beaming; at least she wasn't afraid of driving fast.

"I hope you don't mind it being my car, I know it's not classy but it's… my car." Jackie shook her head.

"Steven, I like your car, it's really comfy, and it smells really good." I chuckled.

"Unlike the basement, eh?" I mumbled, smirking as I help up a small paper bag and she sighed.

"Do you take it with you everywhere?" I nodded.

"I don't want Red finding it, after I got arrested, we'd all get decapitated." Jackie giggled, and I sighed, not minding the sound of her laugh. I knew that she still felt awful about that whole scenario, but I did it for her.

"All right, I hope you like where I'm taking you. I went there once, and I uh… really liked it."

"Oh, I'm sure I will. This was really nice of you, Steven," I smiled softly and glanced at her quickly. I could see this glow about her; her eyes were shining and her smile was just as bright as her deep brown pools.

"I try," I mumbled, trying to ignore the song now playing; a song I secretly liked, knew the words to, and not to mention sang along when I heard it. "Blue jean baby, LA lady-" I pressed my lips together and bit them shut, feeling my cheeks heat again in embarrassment, Jackie giggled and smirked.

"Oh, you like this song?!" I just stared at the road ahead of me. "Don't be embarrassed, it's a good song!" I just chuckled and shook my head, turning into the plaza where The Vineyard was. Jackie's eyes widened as I pulled into the most expensive restaurant in the whole town.

"Steven, how can you-when did you-are you sure?" Jackie was in complete awe at my choice of dining.

"Well, I have a job, I get paid $250 a week, so that means I have more than enough, dollface." I hopped out of the car and opened her door for her. She beamed and I held out my hand, which she quickly took in response. Her hand felt cool against mine, and suddenly I felt nervous, like she was going to start criticizing me. I wondered if I looked okay, or if I was holding her hand right; by the way she looked, I figured I was doing a good job so far.

"I had Kitty make the reservations before I left,"

"Steven, thank you so much! Michael never took me out to eat anywhere fancy, and he's rich!" I sighed, holding open the glass door for her. "I didn't mean-"

"Jackie, I know it probably shocked you that I brought you here. It probably shocks you that I know common courtesy, and manners about going out. And I'm pretty sure you were amazed when hold open the doors for you, and that I dressed nice, let alone brought you here, and came out with you in the first place. I just figured I'd treat you, and I hope that's all right."

"It's more than all right," She told me and I smiled weakly.

A host came up to us, and I told him we had a table reserved previously, for Hyde and Burkhart. He seemed way too cheery, but I wasn't here to spend time with him; thank God.

I felt sort of sick when I saw how fancy this place really was. I had just gotten accustomed to holding regular silverware correctly, now I had to worry about five forks and knives and spoons. I didn't want to embarrass Jackie; this was her kind of restaurant, and probably most of these people she knew somehow. I was just a street rat, and I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of Jackie. I'm pretty sure she had a different picture of the man inside of me that she thought I was. Probably some guy painted very caring and mature, who was really romantic, but I wasn't. I was just me.

The two of us sat down and ordered drinks; her a hot sweet tea, me, water. Then another waitress asked us what we wanted; I told Jackie to choose whatever sounded good.

"I would like the roast duck with a side salad, please," Ew, I closed my eyes and shuddered slightly; duck?! How could she eat one of the little birds that just seem so friendly?

The waitress turned to me, and I bit my lip, trying to think of the dish that I had here so long ago. She gave me an impatient and slightly disgusted look as I continued contemplating on what to eat.

"If I said, 'surprise me' you'd kick me out, eh?" I joked, Jackie stifled a laugh and the chick glared evilly. "Yep, I think I would. So uh… Jackie surprise me." As I saw her smirk, I regretted my previous statement. If she killed me, I swear to God I would haunt her.

"She was a bitch," Jackie told me as the waitress walked away. I smiled softly, tapping my toes, feeling vulnerable without my sunglasses. "Hyde, relax."

"What? I'm chill," Jackie snorted.

"Steven, you look terrified, you're definitely not _chill_. So, when did you come here?"

"Well, my mom brought me once, with my dad. That was the last time I saw him… he left us here that night. I think my mom knew, because we went to the mall later, and I watched her drive away, leaving me there alone."

Did I just ell Jackie one of my most haunted memories, that I had told no one before? I was scared; I was opening myself up to her, way too easily. Was I losing it? Or was fate fucking me over again?

"How… old were you?" She asked me, I chuckled.

"Uh, five." Jackie looked like she was about to cry, and I shrugged. "It's okay though, things turned out all right for me. I mean, I'm dressed up in a fancy restaurant with a pretty girl, so it's all good."

Jackie just beamed again, then took a sip of her tea. We carried on conversation, and soon enough I was actually really comfortable with her.

"I'm glad you didn't wear the sunglasses, Steven." I tilted my head, "for a couple of reasons."

"And why is that?"

"I can actually see what you mean, and how you mean your words. I feel that I'm talking to you and you're here and you care." My lips curled and I stretched out my legs, my foot ending up bumping hers.

"Sorry Jacks, and yeah, I didn't wear them, so I didn't seem heartless or like a robot." Jackie smiled simple, "Any other reasons?"

"I like the color of your eyes." Never heard that before.

"Well, thanks, I guess it's not like I got to choose. If I could have, I'd choose orange." I smiled smugly and she chortled, holding her hand to her mouth as she laughed.

"Why _orange_?"

"Because it's my favorite color." I turned to the waitress as she arrived with our food, "Oh thank God, I was going to start eating the table. The doctor always tells me I need more fiber, you know." The waitress sneered and quickly slid me my food. I stared with slight curiosity but more fear at what Jackie had ordered me. "Er, what is it?" I was tempted to poke at it, but I decided I would behave.

"Do you _really_ want to know?" After Jackie's response, with a slightly mysterious tone, I squirmed and laughed nervously as I figured not knowing may be the better choice.


	10. Vulnerable

**_Well, I typed the majority of this in my computers class today, that was wicked fun actually. My teacher gave me some strange looks but I mean, who cares? A couple of my friends and I get on FF at school, I think she's going to block it... damn her finding out... it's all my friends fault! Ha, anyway, this is the second to last chapter, and there will be a weird twist to the end, I like it when things seem okay, but suddenly everything is fucked up and it's like 'wha?' Okay, not in real life, but in books and other literature/medias. But they have to turn out okay in the end. There will be an epilogue though, because I can't just end it with how I ended the final chapter... it needs some closure... like everything. Sorry, I'm really loopy... I have had a fever the past 4 days and I've had 3 play performances while being sick and I really like cold pills! :D Sorry, no special brownies... :D That's it. I'm done. Enjoy._**

**_Love,_**

**_Angie. (I swear I was named after the RS song)  
_**

**_

* * *

_**

"That waitress hated me," I said casually after getting in my car. "I don't even know what I did."

Jackie just smiled and nodded; no comeback or her saying something about herself. It was weird, like we had switched personalities… sort of. And she stole my zen mode!

I turned on the car, and revved the engine again. Steppenwolf's "Magic Carpet Ride" played softly from the radio, and I switched the car into reverse. Jackie was still quiet and I finally turned to her, wondering exactly why she was being so silent.

My body tensed and my heart froze, my head spinning, but numb. A wave of nausea passed through me, and I put the car back into 'park'. Oh, God, Jackie was crying; what was I supposed to do? I couldn't deal with _my own_ emotions, how was I going to deal with a crying woman? Or anyone, really. But, I had to do something. If I were a crying girl, what would I want? To fool around? 'No, don't think like mom.' I told myself as I continued to ponder; my own mother was the worst case example of a woman.

If I were a chick that was crying, I'd want… a teddy bear? Roses? A joke? Dammit, I was thinking too much like a girl. Next question; when _I _cry, or feel like shit; what do I want?

"Jackie… hey, what's wrong?" I asked, hesitantly wrapping my arm around her; glasses back to shielding my eyes. Jackie looked at me and smiled through shimmering eyes.

"Nothing is wrong, Steven, well okay, one thing, but I can deal. Everything is great." I tilted my head. "I'm really happy, so I cried, it's something I do. I just hope you know that this nigh was one of the most romantic nights I have ever had. In fact, one of the best nights of my life, and I'm so glad I shared it with you. "

I chuckled and sighed softly, rubbing her shoulders softly. Jackie gazed up at me, and pulled off my sun glasses.

"Hey…" I growled jokingly, narrowing my eyes at her ask I smirked, she just stared.

"Your eyes are really pretty," I bit my lip and shrugged, "when you were wearing your sunglasses, it made me feel alone."

"Well, you're not." I reassured her.

"Neither are you," She whispered sincerely, biting her lip as she gazed at my eyes still. My heart was angry, furiously pounding against my chest, the blood and adrenaline rushing through my veins.

An excerpt from one of Fez's girl magazines that he always reads aloud ran through my head. All of the advice and signs about girls were in those magazines ,and it freaked me out that I actually remembered something from his monotonous hours of reading those damn magazines.

'_**If a girl bites her lip, or plays with their hands while looking at you, kiss her.'**_

And her eyes were on mine, hands folded in her lap, thumbs circling each other. I stared right back at her, my mind going blank, heart racing.

"Steven, I-" I felt her hand brush mine, then lightly hold it, and I squeezed hers softly in response. I leaned in, and she followed suit, closing her eyes.

My lips lightly touched hers, kissing her oh so gently. Jackie kissed me back, her lips so soft against mine. I pressed my lips against hers again, this time, not so timid, one hand cupped her cheek, the other ran slowly through her long dark brown curls.

We stayed like that for who knows how long, just kissing and touching as innocently as that could possibly be. I knew I wouldn't take anything too far, I really did have self control. And I had respect for Jackie; I never thought it would happen, yet it did. I didn't want her to think all guys were the same, all she had seen was Kelso, and that really fucked her over. Yeah, I messed around with girls, but honestly there were a lot of things a lot of people didn't know… and it would stay that way.

Hesitantly, I pulled away from her, my eyes I knew were glazed over and wide. My neck had re mars that were slightly painful to the touch, yet a reminder of what just happened. I felt for my shirt in the dark and Jackie looked slightly upset, her head tilted to the side, still straddling me. I sighed softly, breathing still shaky.

"Jackie, I don't want to go too far. You deserve better than that, so I'm going to be… as gentlemanly as I possibly can, and prove to you that I'm not just after one thing." Jackie breathed a heavy sigh, and nodded.

"Thank you Steven, I- wait a second," she eyed me curiously, "You want more than just sex."

"Well, h, that's what you were looking for ri-" She kissed me fiercely again.

"Yes! But all guys just want sex, I's all Michael wanted, you… you want more than that?"

"Well, yeah, dollface. I guess I'm not like most guys." I answered her, driving out of the parking lot of The Vineyard.

I was dreading the arrival at the Forman's. I knew that Kitty would bombard me with questions and ask me every single freaking detail about the date Jackie and I had just had. I knew that all of our friends would be in the basement, and both of us dressed up would be a really weird sight for them, so of course they'd know right away. I wasn't sure what I was going to do about the avoiding people thing, but I couldn't answer questions. This whole night I felt like I was wearing my fucking heart on my sleeve, and I hated that! But at the same time, it was a nice feeling; Jackie helped me open up. And even though I wasn't that 'open' I could always tell her just a tiny bit more than anyone else. And that probably meant the world to her.

I felt her snuggle into my shoulder and I turned down the radio, allowing her to snooze on the twenty minute drive from the restaurant to the Forman's residence. I liked this slight time in my own company, though I had a beautiful girl resting against me. I needed to calm down, to go back into my zen mode, I was not going to let my friends see me with… with emotion. They would be scared, man! So, I stuck on my sunglasses again, and sang along softly to the songs playing on the AM.

By the time we got to the Forman's, everyone was gathered in the basement, as I had expected. I was extremely nervous still, yet I was cool. I just didn't want any questions.

"Jacks," I murmured, kissing her forehead, and lightly poking her arm. She moaned softly, and burrowed her head into me. "Jackie," I sang, smirking, "wake up!"

I poked her sides and she giggled, eyes shining brightly with just pure joy, and it was weird how happy that made me . She wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed me once more, it was all I could do to leave my El Camino, but I had to. I opened the door for her and peered into the sliding glass door, Kitty was working on a dessert or something still, in the kitchen.

"Okay, here's what we do-"

"Do you want to hide _us _Steven?" I shook my head, hands wrapped around her waist, eyes staring into hers.

"It's not that I don't want to _hide us_, I just don't want Kelso to kill me, you know he would. We need to slowly ease into this, for everyone." She nodded, sensing that my words meant for me as well. Yes, I was afraid of this sudden commitment, but I'd make it somehow... I hoped. How hard could it be for a guy who came from such a fucked up home to try to be in a relationship? I grimaced. "Is that okay?" Jackie sighed, eyes full of disappointment.

"It's fine, but I know he wouldn't kill you."

"Jackie, I really don't... I really don't want to hide us. Just, wait like a week before we make out in front of everyone, okay?" She giggled and hit my arm as I smirked evilly. "C'mon, dear," I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close to me, she responded by resting her head on my chest. I sighed contentedly, fingers tracing her sides over and over again as we walked, she squirmed a little.

I opened the door for her as we entered the house. Kitty smiled widely at us, as she fixed two glasses of a little concoction for her and Red. I didn't want to know.

"Steven, Jackie, how did your little date go?" Kitty asked casually, like the fact that two people, completely opposite of each other went on a date. Plus I was practically her son; so I knew she was dying to hear all the details from start to finish.

"Ahh, it was good." I answered, Jackie laughed softly and let go of my hand to shove me slightly.

"Well that's good! Any highlights?" I smirked and gazed down at Jackie.

"Yes, I'll tell you all about it, Mrs. Forman! Since I'm guessing Steven won't," She glared at me, but an evil smile played on her lips. My cue to leave.

"Right... I'll just be downstairs."

I bolted out of the room before hearing Jackie tell all about our night. I zipped down the stairs and to my room, trying to avoid my fiends seeing me all spiffy and dressed up. I could hear the two women talking upstairs, voices muffled by the ceiling. Jackie was my girlfriend, and my God I was so goddamn scared. How could she even _want_ to be with me? And why did I want to be with her?

'Stop thinking about it,' I scolded myself over and over again, changing into a pair of ragged flannel pajamas and one of my Jimmy Page shirts.

My mind was a mess, I couldn't think straight. Sitting on my bed, I took a few, slow but heavy breaths to try and calm down. All of this must have been so quick, that it's now catching up to me. I haven't even been out of the hospital and I just went on a date, and got a girlfriend. Who I had hated not even 48 hours before. I had been accused of suicide attempts, made out with my best friend's girlfriend, and considered leaving the town I grew up in. What I wondered is: Was I taking all of this right?

I winced, my head beginning to spin rapidly, making me feel like I was swirling around the room, and also that I was going to throw up. My chest grew heavy, and it was growing so hard to breathe. Inside, my lungs were screaming for air, and I began to panic. What the fuck was going on? I tried to scream for help, tried to throw something at the door, but this black nothing kept pulling me, and pulling me again and again. Until I heard a voice.

"Steven," Jackie, calm, loving, gentle. "Steven I'm here, just close your eyes, it will all be okay."

'_Crap, not this again.' _I thought, letting this nothing consume me once again.


	11. Closure

**_Author's Note: Sorry this took me awhile to post, I've been extremely busy. School is over in 2 weeks and my teachers really like to stress us all out by bogging us down with triple the amount of homework. Anyway, this chapter is a little weird, in my opinion, and if it doesn't seem... fitting, I'm sorry. I hope you guys like it. _**

**_Love,_**

**_Angie. _**

**_PS: Review?  
_**

**_

* * *

_**

I had gone blind, everything was fucking dark! What the fuck was going on? I couldn't see, or move; I was blind, and paralyzed. _'Oh, the irony of wearing sunglasses,' _I thought, trying to move my mouth to speak. Yet I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried.

I could feel all of the tension building in my legs when I attempted, and failed, to stretch them, to kick them. It felt as if I had pins and needles prickling throughout my body, the feeling within my limbs very slowly coming back. But, the feeling didn't go away, it was eternal painful, shocking tingles, just dying to be worked out.

I had experienced the best night of my life, and now I was probably dead; in my own hell. Alone, angry, and numb. I just wanted to open my eyes, how long had I been like this?

I heard my voice mentally screaming, and what felt like torture burst in my body. If I could move, I'd be writhing and convulsing in time with these brutal spasms, and screaming my lungs out. But, I was paralyzed, mute and catatonic. Oh how it burned. It felt like my insides were being ripped and contorting as I was being turned inside out. What was going on? Was I really dying? Was this the price I had to pay for opening up, and being happy?

God, I just wanted Jackie. I screamed her name, but I just knew no one heard me; I was alone. How did I know this was how it was going to end? Maybe if I hadn't ever let my emotions run wild and free in the first place, I'd be all right. But, if I hadn't, I would have never gotten over Donna, I'd hate Jackie, and treat her like shit.

'_Please, someone, anyone… God, if you do exist, or Buddha, Allah, anyone dammit, please get me out of this hell?'_ In response; more pain.

"Oh, Steven, I can't believe it. You have to wake up, give us any sign, please?" I could hear Kitty speak, a high urgency risen in her wavering voice. I felt ill as I pondered on this situation. What was going on?

"Kitty… let's… give these hopheads time with the boy." I heard the shuffling of feet and Mrs. Forman sobbing quietly as she and I'm presuming Mr. Forman left, wherever I was.

"I can't believe it, man," Kelso said, the sound of two other people crying filled my ears as well. "You're the toughest one of us, if you can't… what are we gonna do?"

"The doctors said he was going to wake up soon! Oh, those liars, wake up you bastard!" Fez shouted.

"Donna, it's going to be okay," Eric comforted his girlfriend, voice quaking as he spoke.

"Yeah, Eric, our best friend is in a coma, has been for two months and the doctors-"

"NO!" Jackie screamed, her wails so loud, "They're lying! He's just sleeping, he'll wake up!" I felt a shove on my arm, very light and gentle. Then another, more painful. Finally, a warm mass lay on my chest and I could smell Jackie as she sobbed on me. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jackie bellowed, smacking someone.

"Ow!" I guess she hit Kelso.

So, I was in a coma; for two months. The doctors were going to take me off of life support, but I… I don't' know if I was alive or not. But, I had to wake up, I didn't want to die. My whole life would have just been a waste of air, a mistake, and I didn't want that. I should have a choice on whether I get to die or live, dammit.

"Steven," Jackie whimpered, a warm hand held mine tight, "I never g-got to tell you h-how I felt, and now I n-never will. I… I l-love you, Steven James Hyde. And I always will."

What was she talking about? I knew how she felt, she was my girlfriend! _'Oh God, this had better all just be a bad dream,'_ I thought

"Jackie, you can't-" I heard another smack, then the heavy clicking of high heels and Kelso crying out as he followed Jackie.

I was scared… no… absolutely terrified about what was going on.

"Hyde, man, I don't, I am not saying goodbye, because you aren't going to die. I'm… none of us are going to let the doctors take you off of life support. We need you, Jackie needs you, hell… I need you, man. You're my brother… and who's going to- you just gotta wake up, man!"

Eric's words hit me. I'm his brother? People needed me? I couldn't just give up, I didn't want to give up anyway, but now I knew that I had a reason, I had to find a way to wake up. Somehow, no matter what.

I used all of my pent up strength to scream at them, _"I am, morons!"_ to kick my legs wildly, open my eyes. Anything; I was absolutely desperate. I couldn't do it, wait… twitch? Did my leg just… _twitch?_ Oh. God. How embarrassing.

"Eric, did you see that?" Donna asked.

"See what?"

"Hyde's leg, it twitched, like major twitch, not the usual twitch." Wait… "usual twitch?" What was my _usual twitch?_

"No way, it couldn't. There's no way he's waking up, they said he-" Donna slugged him somewhere, he grunted in pain.

"Shut up, and be optimistic about your best friend. You want him alive, don't you?" Silence. Didn't he?

"Of course, Donna. Hyde's been there for me always, and you know, we gave him a home but we never talked about his problems… maybe I should change that _when_ he wakes up." No, I was content with keeping it bottled up.

"Well then, let's hope that this will turn out to be a real life soap opera, and he wakes up."

'_Oh, God,'_ I thought, completely repulsed by the idea of my deathbed being compared o one of Kitty's day time drama crap shows. _'Just shoot me.'_

I heard a thud, and Donna scream, "Oh my God!"

"DOCTOR!"

I heard footsteps rush in quickly, and confusion ran through me.

"Are you ready?"

"Hell no! He just kicked, and spoke, you're not pulling the plug, I think he's seriously waking up."

"You're _sure_," a woman asked.

"Check his vitals one more time." A man with a deep voice asked, more than likely the doctor.

I could feel. Someone opened my eyelids, and a bright light blinded me, I flinched and glared into it.

"Uh, doctor… he's definitely coming around."

"We need blood work, test all vitals, get his guardians, NOW!"

"Steven, Steven, can you open your eyes? Give me some way to show you're alert?" One of the nurses called to me, too gently. Her tone pissed me off, and a very quiet groan rippled through my throat in annoyance. It was so dry.

"Yeah, he's awake. Eric, get up you're in the way!" Donna hissed.

I was finally able to open my eyes; the light in the hospital was so bright that it burned. I felt so high, careless, free. My vision was out of focus, yet it seemed heightened for some reason, as if I was seeing through brand new eyes. Everything seemed so different, the sounds and sights, it all seemed so fresh and clear.

I felt sick to my stomach as they did more test, but other than that I was spaced out. Thanks to the morphine.

So, I had been in a coma; for two months. After Jackie and my date, I must have had like a relapse or just, passed out, and never woke up. That had to be it.

"We'll just let you sleep, check on you round the cl-"

"No, I want to see the Formans." I croaked slowly.

"But-"

"You were going to kill me, I want to see my family." I growled through clenched teeth, throat feeling raw.

"Yes, of course, Mr. Hyde." I chuckled.

'_Heh, Mr. Hyde! Not too shabby, I could b ea teacher! I could change my first name to Jekkyl!'_

The Formans came into my room when I began to laugh quietly at myself because of my thought process. I convinced myself that the hospital gown did wonders for Jekkyl Hyde's ass. Kitty was bawling ,Eric had a few tears streaming down his face, and Red's eyes were even wet. That was saying something.

"Oh, Steven!" Kitty wailed, stumbling over to me, sobbing heavily. I tensed, loosely wrapping my arms around her, pain shooting through me.

"Hi, Mom." Even though I was higher than I usually was, I knew what I had said. It killed me, but at the same time it felt so right coming from my lips, to her. Edna was nothing to me, just my co-creator, as well as Bud, otherwise they'd be here. My real family was with me now. Kitty just cried even harder and ran her hand through my hair.

"Oh, my baby," Forman just grinned, not at the fact that his mom was being so… touchy with me. I knew that. But, we all considered each other family now. Even though we weren't connected by blood, it was just… we just knew.

"You asked for your family to see you," Red spoke, voice cracking. This was the king of apathy, compared to him, I was a pansy, and right now he was on the verge of crying. "They said you called us your family."

"Well… you are. You've always been there for me, and you're here now, so," My voice was hoarse and whispery, Mrs. Forman took that as her cue and handed me a plastic cup full of ice cubes.

"Start light," I nodded, lying back in complete bliss as one ice cube slowly melted in my mouth, the water felt so soothing.

"So, what happened?" Kitty hushed me, wiping her eyes as she tried to regain composure.  
"Honey, w-we'll answer questions tomorrow. For now, just know this is one of the best days of our lives, and we love you. So very, very much, Steven." Kitty kissed my forehead and I smiled widely.  
"I love you all too," I wouldn't have said it if it weren't for the morphine. I thought it, and felt it, but sobered up, it would be hard for me to admit, impossible. I never wanted to let anyone know that I loved them, because everyone that I ever loved ended up leaving me. I couldn't bear to lose the Forman's, but I had a very strong feeling that they were never going to go too far away.

"We will come by tomorrow, with everyone else, okay? Right now, you just need to rest." Mrs. Forman told me, as she hugged me tight, then Red. I nodded, grinning from ear to ear, waving to them as they left.

"Forman, can I uh… ask you something?" I asked softly, he nodded.

"Anything, man."

"Can… you tell Jackie you're all coming at one time, but it's earlier than you really are. _Don't_ tell her I'm awake. Tell her-" Forman smirked, I guess I was rambling.

"Yeah, I got it man, now sleep, well, just for a few hours." And with that, he left.

But, I couldn't sleep, which I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. I kept thinking of my girlfriend, who I longed so much to see. Had she cheated on me while I was comatose? And then, of everyone else, my dearest friends and family; how could they have dealt with this? I had been about to fucking die, man! I would've been just like Bud, I would be letting everyone down, and I vowed to never do that.

I must have dosed off, because I woke up to a nurse knocking on my door.

"Mr. Hyde, are you awake?" Now, I wasn't high or happy, in fact, this feeling was comparable to having a hangover, and being a survivor of a train wreck all at the same time.

"Yeh," I grunted, "Can I change clothes?"

"I have to help." I shrugged, the nurse was pretty hot. Short, blonde hair, a cute face, nice body. At least she wasn't old.

I found out that I couldn't even lift my arms over my head at this point. I was confused though, I had been just fine when I was out of the hospital. So why did I hurt so much now? Then again, I have been in a mysterious coma for two months, so I decided not to question.

"Your family brought you a lot of clothes, what would you like to wear?"

"Zeppelin shirt, jeans," She laughed, tossing me my black band T, but not my jeans.

"Sorry, Hyde, as I hear you'd prefer to be called, can't wear jeans." I gasped.

"Why?" I whined softly, she chuckled, I must have sounded funny.

"Too complicated, it would make some things more difficult.

"…Can I wear underwear…?" She held up a pair of black boxers and paused, before shaking her head.

"Only pajama pants, or sweat pants." I grumbled and glared at her, then shrugged when she held up a pair of navy blue sweat pants.

"That'll do," I mumbled flatly, feeling awkward as she untied the gown. "Whoa, I'm not wearing-" I laughed nervously, as my insides squirmed, feeling really uncomfortable. She only chuckled and helped me put on my shirt, then told me she needed to put on my pants. I fought with her, but after attempting to pull my arms to my feet, and almost throwing up in pain, I decided to surrender.

"I'm not looking, so don't think I am. And don't try anything," I nodded as she stuffed my feet in the sweatpants. God, I felt so helpless and awkward, but I couldn't help it, there was nothing I could do. It hurt to just sit up, or even laugh.

"How can you ignore that, when it's right in front of you?" I finally piped up, smirking. The young nurse chuckled again, and then shrugged.

"Sorry, it's not that difficult."

"Huh?" My eyes widened, pulling up the waistband. Was that a _burn?_ From a _nurse?_ I lowered my head and she patted my shoulder as she stood up and smiled smugly. "But-"

"I'm a nurse, I've gotten used to having to dress and undress patients, Hyde. It was a pretty good burn though, eh? Don't let it hurt you though, only joking." She smirked and I grinned, my pride upping a level. "I'll check on you later, okay? And don't let what I said get to your head," I shrugged and nodded, smirking as she left the room. I sighed, made sure everything looked like it had before I had woken up, or what I thought it would look like, and closed my eyes. I had a feeling Jackie would be here very soon.

Oh, Jackie. Her sweet smelling hair and perfume, and high pitched voice that could always make me smile. She was the exact opposite of me, yet I had a feeling we had more in common than we lead on. I just wanted to kiss her again, hold her close to me and fall asleep with her, safe in my arms.

"-I guess the doctors answered my prayers and gave you an extra day." Damn, I had fallen asleep, again. "But, you're still not awake, God, there's no point. Where is everybody?" Jackie whimpered and sat down on the hospital bed, caressing my face. "God, Steven, I'm so sorry, for how I've always treated you. I was just trying to convince myself all those awful things so I could get over you. But, I drove you away, and now I'll never be with you." Jackie rested her head on my chest, and traced over my abdomen. MY heart raced, and I knew she was listening to its fluttering beats. "I wish I had told you how I felt, Steven… you are such a brave man. And I love you. I will always love you." She clasped my hand in hers. "I hope you can hear me." She kissed my lips softly and I knew this was the time to announce I was awake. As she pulled away, I squeezed her hand, and heard her gasp.

"I can, Jackie."

A sob tore through her as she clung to me tightly. I hugged her back the best I could, my hand running through her dark curly locks delicately.

"I've missed you, so much." I whispered finally. Jackie tilted her head, blushing madly, but confused.

"You… did?"

"Of course, you're my girlfriend," Jackie scooted away from me a little.

"No I'm not." She murmured, playing with her hands.

"Yeah, we went on that date a-"

"We never went on a date," Jackie whimpered softly, staring in my eyes. "You've been in a coma since you fell off the water tower, two months ago, Steven." My heart almost stopped.

_Wait. What?_

"No, you came and visited me, about me liking Donna. And Donna came, telling me she would have dated me, if I had asked, and we made out, then-" Jackie shook her head.

"We did come and visit you, and discussed matters like that, well , not you. You've been in a coma since you fell. Donna told us all what happened between you two."

My heart fell, and shattered into a million pieces. All that happened was just… _my imagination_? Just dreams? And Donna had told everyone about me kissing her. Jackie didn't know I liked her… we weren't dating. _Jackie Burkhart and I were not dating_.

"We went to The Vineyard." Jackie blushed and giggled, moving closer to me again.

"No, Steven, I talked about it." I tilted my head. "I'm not hiding it anymore. I told you about my dream date, with you. You'd take me to The Vineyard, and almost get kicked out. I ordered you lamb because you wanted me to surprise you, and you'd be scared of it. Then we'd make out in your El Camino, and you'd take me back to the Forman's."

"That's what happened in-" I realized all that I dreamed about, was what people had told me, and I had put it in to actions as I dreamt it, and what I would do in the situations.

"Steven, one day, I came here and read a part of my diary out loud. Do you remember it?" I nodded slowly.

"I think so… but in my dream, I found it in your room when you were getting ready for the date." Jackie beamed at my words and I sighed. "Are you still with Kelso?"

"No, we broke up two weeks into your coma. Since then I've…" She trailed off, and I smiled softly.

"You've been here everyday for two months, with _me_?" She nodded.

This was all so hard to grasp. Every single thing that had taken place, never really happened. _But_, people spoke to me, and I interpreted it into images in my head. It all seemed so real though, and in a way, it really _did_ happen… just not in real life.

"It's because I…" Jackie trailed off, gazing at me. "God, I love your eyes." My cheeks heated and I smirked. "But, I stayed with you because… Steven… I l-love you." Before I could think, I cupped her cheek and kissed her so delicately, yet put all of my emotions to that innocent touch. My heart fluttered angrily, and I tingled, everywhere. Not like the pins and needles though, I would not mind if this feeling lasted forever.

Jackie held us together as she continued the kiss. Our long kisses were in rhythm, the movements in perfect time.

"Jackie," I panted, pulling away from her finally. "When I get out… I'm taking you… on that date." She grinned. "I have a… question though, I don't want to wait until then… will… will you go… will you be my girlfriend?" I spoke quickly, as I tried to regain my composure, also I was so afraid of her answer. I was terrified of rejection.

"Yes, Steven," Jackie answered finally. "I will be honored to be your girlfriend," I kissed her again in response.

And this time, it was all real.


	12. Epilogue

_**Author's Note: So here we have it! This is the epilogue, I thought this would tie things up more... gives it a better ending than the last chapter... that's how I roll. Well, I hope you like this. **_

_**I will be posting a new Hyde fic up, I have 6 chapters already written, I'm just waiting for things with school to die down a little... or just wait till summer to post all that I have done. I promise you it will be worth it. And I think you guys will like it... it's about his life. From the beginning, where he is 7 years old to... I think I'll have passed the 8th season a little bit, give people some... closure. :D Some parts will be dark, and it will show more... emotional Hyde, but I think it will be good.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Angie.**_

_**PS- Thanks so much for reading. And check out the new fic when it's posted. And... review? *puppy eyes* (If it helps, either imagine Danny Masterson's eyes, or my eyes are a lot like his- not even joking :D)  
**_

* * *

"Haha! Hyde has a limp!"

"Shut up, moron," I hissed, slapping the back of Kelso's head, using Forman as a crutch to help me walk. I was defiant, I wouldn't use a wheelchair, or crutches or any of the sort to help me. Forman was good enough.

"Hyde, quit being so damn stubborn and-"  
"_Shut it_, Forman," I barked angrily, "I am using you, and you are going to _like it_." I added, all four of us guys burst out laughing at my statement.

We waited in the hospital room for Red and Kitty to arrive again, announcing that I could leave. I had spent two weeks in the hospital, working on building up my strength and just getting back to normal things. It sucked, because half the time Kitty was my nurse, so she babied me, and I also _never_ had any form of privacy. I had to make up some pretty wild excuses for Kitty to exit the bathroom so I could lock it on her, to take a fucking _shower_ without her watching me.

Forman hadn't killed me when we talked about me kissing Donna. We had a really long talk about trust, and 'where to not shove your tongue down when wasted', but he was really understanding and forgiving about it. He however, did ask me where my feelings for Donna lied.

"She's my sister, man. We're too close, and it wouldn't have ever worked out anyways, so yeah, I'm really over her." I had reassured my best friend. After that, things were like normal between us. Thank God.

"Boys, are you ready to go?" Fez, Kelso, Forman and I stood up at once, me leaning on Eric again. He grimaced. "Steven, I don't think you should be wa-"

"Mom, don't!" I frogged Forman, and limped towards the door, without him.

"I can walk, I'm fine." I winced, forcing a pained smile as pain surged through my left leg. "Will the pain go away?" I whimpered softly, Kitty nodded.

"The pain, yes, after a couple more weeks. But, the limp won't, I'm sorry. It will get better, and definitely not as noticeable, but you'll always have it." I shrugged; it made me badass.

God it was great to be around my family and friends, I don't think I ever felt happier than this. Even though it was in a hospital, and I was still just as hard shelled as before. I had learned a lot from my continuous dream though, and one thing was to try and show your emotions. Forman noticed me take off my sunglasses and was bug eyed.

"The sun not bugging you?" I shook my head and smirked. We were inside.

"Nah, man, not today. It's a new day… it's… awesome." He just laughed, understanding why I left my eyes naked.

The ride home went by a lot quicker than usual it seemed. One moment, we were at a stoplight, and now we were home.

I opened the Vista Cruiser door, leaning on anything I could to help support myself, and stuck my head in the car, reaching in the back.

"Steven!" With my name called so strictly, I stopped abruptly, eyes wide. "Honey, no, just go inside, we've got Michael and Eric to take care of your belongings." I smiled and gave a nod to my mother figure, then opened the back door to the Forman's home… my home.

"Surprise!" I jumped out of my skin, and heard two girls giggling. I spotted Donna and Jackie, my heart skipped a beat as I gazed into her one blue eye, one green eye. _'So beautiful,'_ I thought.

"Dammit, I don't need this!" I grumbled angrily, hugging everyone, yes, _everyone_. "Thanks though."

The night was full of alcohol free fun (Yes, somehow it's possible) and we all hung out for a few hours. Red and Kitty included. Until….

"Kids! I want you all to go to the basement!" Kitty commanded us at 8:00. "Except Steven," I gulped, wistfully watching Forman, Kelso, Fez, and Donna take off down the stairs, grinning as they were set free.

"Go into the dining room, we need to talk." I bit my lip and shoved on my sunglasses, hobbling to the dining room door, my mind running wild.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, dreading the moment when Red and Kitty would enter, they just had- my thoughts stopped abruptly. My eyes widened, gazing in wonder at the sight in front of me. Before my eyes were three large, steaming silver platters, a crystal bowl full of a very fancy looking salad, and fine china as the flatware. Sitting in one of the oak chairs was Jackie, smiling happily. I made my way to her, left leg screaming as I moved so quickly, yet I didn't care. My lips pressed against hers softly, one form of my gratitude.

"Jacks, I-"

"I know you told me you were going to take me to The Vineyard when you could. But, I wanted to surprise you; bring The Vineyard to you! I got some of my favorite things, that I think you'll like." I clasped her hand in mine, and stared into her eyes.

"Thank you, babe." I mumbled, leaving small kisses on her forehead, cheek, nose, down to her lips and chin, then down her neck. I nipped the skin softly and she shivered. "It means a-"

"Kelso, don't!"

Jackie and I pulled apart, she squealed when a loud bang was heard. Kelso toppled to the ground as the door to the dining room flew open, exposing our friends who were eavesdropping.

"Fuck you, morons!" I growled jokingly, glaring at my friends, smirking as I held the girl I truly loved in my arms.

_How things all came to be, I couldn't even tell you. What I thought was real, was a mere dream. Though in reality it saved a lot of confusion and hurt, it still changed me. And I wouldn't have things any other way. As long as I had my friends and my family. _


End file.
